This morning, a planned vacation, and dentist appointment, a broken alarm clock, and a sick child led to the unfavorable situation where the only people at the office for about an hour were Bill, David and me.  For the record, Jim is more self sufficient than the rest of us, i.e, he knows how to type and how to use the phones. 

So while I was typing up a letter that Bill drafted, and trying to remember to answer the phone if it rang, David walked by my office. 

“Hey David!”

“What’s up?”

“If the phone rings, and it’s for Jim, and he’s not here, can you tell me how to send it to his voicemail?”

“Um.  That’s a good question.  I know you hit transfer or hold, or something, and then hit their line.”

“Yeah, I tried that a second ago, and I hung up on the guy.”

“I guess we should have asked Sarah before she went to the dentist.”

“Oh well, hopefully we won’t be here by ourselves for much longer.”

When I got to work this morning it was so hot in my office that I almost had to go downstairs to the conference room to drink my coffee. 

Right now the temperature is 93, but it feels like 98. 

I have the unceasing desire to sit outside and drink beer. 

Sitting inside and drinking diet coke is a poor substitute.

We picked a jury, went to lunch, argued a motion and won, and started the case.  All the sudden it was 4 pm.  The Plaintiff’s attorney was still on his first witness.  Then inadmissible evidence was introduced, the jury was quickly ushered out and the judge declared a mis-trial.  AGGGHH.  I find this intensely frustrating.  Regardless, I was back at my office around 5, and left from there to go to a happy hour for our paralegal’s birthday.  I had a glass of wine and a beer over the course of about two hours.  I got home around 8 and decided to go for a jog.  It was really pretty and I felt like it was starting to cool off (it was only 89 degrees with 100% humidity). 

I ran about three miles, with some good hills, and ended my run right at the house, put briscoe on a leash and walked her for about a mile.  At happy hour I munched on a couple of snacks, and when I finally finished working out in the heat I was anything but hungry.  It was getting late, I took a shower and watched tv and ate a bowl of cereal for dinner.  I didn’t sleep well. 

This morning I ate a Z bar and drank coffee.  When I got to the office I realized I’d left my water bottle at home (nerds!) which was fatal mistake number 2 (number 1 was going for a 4 mile workout after drinking wine and eating potato skins). 

Fatal mistake number 3 occurred at lunch.  We went to picadilly cafeteria.  I don’t like this place, but my partners do, and I’ve gotten to the point where I always get the baked chicken and mac and cheese and green beans and I’m safe.  Well today, I didn’t feel like chicken.  I was HUNGRY!  And I got the chicken pot pie. 

I should have known this was a poor choice because it was sort of creamy and rich looking and I haven’t been tolerating rich food well as of late.  But I wasn’t thinking. 

So after lunch, things went from bad to worse.  I started to cramp and sweat and shake.  Even my toes were cramping.  I had to come home around 2 and lay on the cool bathroom tile.  I never actually got sick, even though I would have given anything to have just thrown up and felt better. 

I’ve been trying to choke down gatorade and ginger ale all afternoon.  I’ve been eating saltines.  I keep thinking I feel better so I get up to do something and I just feel weak as water.  I must feel better tomorrow.  I must. 

We’ve had a very mild summer so far and it was much hotter yesterday than it has been.   I’m not in excellent shape.  I haven’t been working out enough to go out and run in the heat like that, especially not after drinking wine.  I know better.

2.  Call Clerk’s office in Florida.  As soon as clerk picks up the phone, scream bloody murder because the wasp that has been buzzing around your office all day that you thought your boss killed with a broom earlier has crawled up onto your desk and across your mouse and onto your hand. 

3.  Stop to talk to your neighbor after running a few miles in the heat.  Stand there, with blank look on your face and try not to be concerned that you have no idea what you just said but you are pretty sure the neighbor thinks it is strange that you are still in their driveway.  Wander off. 

4.  After you have attended a tennis clinic for three weeks, and spent the entire third week clinic hitting with the instructor, call him by the wrong name in a loud voice in front of the whole class.  Thanks Nick!  (CHARLSIE!  HIS NAME IS RICK!  NOT NICK!  AGGHH IDIOT). 

5.  When the mother of the groom comes to retrieve him from the bar at 2 am on Friday night after the rehearsal dinner, hop on in the car with him and try to be supportive of his demands to go to Krystal.  When you find rubble where the neighborhood Krystal USED to be (torn down for renovations – literally, levelled), find the next closest Krystal with Google maps and place the order while hanging out of the back window of his mother’s car.  Try to keep the car clean by taking the remaining chiks and cheese krystals that remain in the bag into your house when they drop you off first.   

6.  Send the runner on errands such as 1.   Pick up Briscoe’s flea medicine from vet 2.  Get jewelry cleaned  3.  Pick up Blizzard (small, peanut butter cup).

7.  Neglect your dry cleaning long enough to where you have to pick it up on the way to work in order to have anything suitable to wear that day. 

8.  Wage war on the dandilions in your yard.  Dig the roots up with a shovel if necessary  (my dad saw me trying to get the whole root of this dandilion the other day and told me to stop being weird.  I told him to leave me alone and let me be weird in my own backyard – he told me not to act like that in my front yard).

I almost choked on one just a second ago.  I think if it hasn’t already been partially dissolved I might have been in real trouble. 

Do you think that is what he meant?

 I’d really like to have an old bathtub to use as a planter.  That way I don’t have to worry about Briscoe trying to eat the jalapeno plant I bought.  Donald is suppose to be keeping his eyes open for one.  Maybe it will be there when I get home!  Donald made me a list of things I need for the house on the back of a KoolMenthal carton box.  I’ve been carrying it around in my pocketbook and it almost fell out in court today, which made me laugh. 

I can’t remember a time when I’ve ever had spring fever this bad.  This might be due to the fact that I’ve never had a real job in April before.  The real world is for the birds.  That being said, I do love my job and it is nice to feel (somewhat) financially secure. 

That being said, every day I’m amazed at how weird my job can be.  I spent an hour this morning respectfully but forcefully disagreeing with someone.  I told them all the reasons why they are wrong.  Then I shut up and didn’t interrupt while they told me all the reasons why I was wrong.  Then I told them my reasons again, then they told me their reasons.  Then we pointed at some documents and underlined some numbers and asked a few pointed questions and then I told them all the reasons they were wrong and then let them point out all the reasons I was wrong one more time.  Then you say – okay, well how are we going to fix this, what are you offering, blah blah blah, and you come to an agreement that no one is happy with and you discuss emails and addresses and checks are written and people grumble.  But as you are walking out of the door, you ask about the other person’s family, and their life and how business is going and you slap each other on the back or shake hands and act like you haven’t just been fighting for the past hour.   

It’s weird.  I’m so glad tomorrow is Friday.

How often do you get in the car and think, dang, I don’t have on any shoes!  I’ll have to go back into the house and get them?  Once a year?  Once a month?  Once a week?  Never?  Now that it has gotten warm outside I have revived my beloved habit of only wearing shoes when it is required by my job, the law, and/or to comply with social norms.  It’s awesome.  What isn’t awesome is that Donald and Ronald (my home repair people who are fixing all the things in my house that need fixing, and who I would be lost without) keep finding these HUGE metal roofing nails that the roofers left in my yard.  Those nails look like the quickest way to get lockjaw I can imagine. 

Briscoe has enjoyed having Donald and Ronald around (they are twins), and D & R have gotten pretty attached to Briscoe.  To the point where they have renamed her.  Her new name is Biscuit. And you know, she sort of looks like a little biscuit!  It’s the perfect new name for the fuzzy head. 

I almost stepped on a snake this morning right outside the front door of our office.  He was a really cute little green snake.  He told me his name was Lionel. 

Okay, I’m off to track down a judge and get my summary judgment motion signed!  Hooray!  And Molly is getting married this weekend!  And it’s suppose to be 90 degrees tomorrow!

A few months ago I spilled coffee all over myself one morning, to the point where I went home and changed.  It was still early, and the only people I’d spoken with so far were Jim and Bill.  I figured, hey, boys don’t notice clothes, it’s no big deal.  The first thing Bill says when I see him later that morning – “Is that what you were wearing this morning? ” Curses. 

Briscoe has been upset with me this week.  I haven’t had time to play with her, and she’s mad about it.  She wants to go to the dog park this weekend, and has been trying to emotionally blackmail me with complaints of neglect.  What she really needs is a hair cut. 

Last night when I got home, she hauled around the house like an unhinged soul.  She kept hiding behind furniture and growling (which is her way of saying she really wants to play hid and seek – it’s a funny little growl, not like a mean growl).  So I hid behind the couch for a while and she freaked out, then I went into my room to change out of my work clothes.  When I came back out into the den about five minutes later, she was still in the game position on the other side of the room, with her butt up in the air and her head and chest on the floor.  As soon as she saw me she started growling again, signaling she wasn’t finished playing the game.  So we played some more, and she howled and ran into the wall.  So I picked her up and made her snuggle on the couch with me.  In thirty seconds she was sound asleep and purring (she has a purr like a cat – her breathing comes out in a vibrating rhythm when she is asleep, it’s hilarious). 

It’s suppose to be extremely cold this weekend.  I’m just excited that tomorrow is Friday.  We had two hearings today (three actually, but I only worked on two), and I have to say that it was a pretty interesting day.  I might have even learned something. 

Now that those hearings are over and my office has warmed up I’m getting very sleepy. 

I want to remind you all that exfoliating is an often neglected joy in life.  It’s very important in the bitter days of winter. 

Y’all know how I hate birds?  This is a good example of why – http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/15/plane-crashes-into-hudson-river/?hp

I painted my nails last night.  Some girls get a boost from self tanner, I get a boost from red finger nail polish.  Britt likes red finger nails too. 

Speaking of Britt, she totally saved my life this morning.  Cause, my alarm clock didn't go off.  Luckily I bothered to mention to her that I had to be at Daniel Field at 6:45, or she wouldn't have even known I was suppose to be up by 6:30.  Seriously, this is a reason I don't need to live by myself.  That, and I need a lot of human interaction. 

The reason for my 6:45 appointment at Daniel Field was that Bill and I had a hearing in Savannah this morning, and we FLEW.  Or, Bill Flew us.  Bill was the pilot and I was the passenger.  It was fun.  We followed the Savannah River all the way down and back.  The hearing went well, even though I found the judge rather frightening.  I'm still adjusting to not being on the same side as the judge. 

 I looked at the weather and it was suppose to be warm in savannah, so I wore a skirt, with my cute heels I really like, and I'm sure I looked ridiculous climbing on the wing in and out of the plane.  I was glad I had the skirt on when I got there (it was a very pretty day), but then when I got back to Augusta, I seriously regretted the choice.  It was FREEZING and cloudy and dark and altogether not skirt weather.  I went home and changed.  But when I had on my cute suit, and my long  black coat I love, and my pretty shoes, and my red fingernails, I felt great about life.  No worries that my hair wasn't clean or that I put my makeup on in the airport bathroom.  Focusing on the small happy things of life takes a little of the sting out of the disappointments and difficulties of the Real World. 

I called my mom to tell her we were home, and she said, "What? How are you back already?  What time did you leave?" and I had to tell her we flew.  Kate said, "You didn't tell me you were flying!  I would have been worried sick!  I'm glad I didn't know!"  Which is why I failed to mention it when I talked to her last night. 

OH!  And Molly is engaged!  Yay MOLLY!  I'm so excited. 

If you found that paragraph as depressing as I did – read this – it will make you laugh.  (compliments of the Quail).