the thin line between optimism and delusion…

I mean, give me a break. It was 22 degrees when I got in my car this morning. Wind chill – 16. This is unacceptable. I could see my breath all the way to school.

In other news, I have been taking notes this morning. Also, I thought I had allergies, but now I have decided that I have a full blown cold. Not only am I freezing, but now I’m sick.

But other than these minor setbacks, I am having a great day so far. I am able to concentrate (lack of concentration is the major cause of my bad self esteem), I’m not completely lost in class, I am sitting next to my sweet friend Allison who I never see anymore, I am looking forward to a mr. pibb later, and I am determined to be productive today.

(but I hope it warms up).

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More thoughts on this weekend tomorrow, but here is my happy thought of the day:

Getting into the bed at night when I still have an hour before I actually need to go to sleep and I have a book to read makes me happy in a tingly, warm, fuzzy, I’m so excited I can’t breathe way. Since I have been in law school I have really neglected my pleasure reading and this has had a profound detrimental impact on my personal happiness. Books are my happy place and I refuse to let law school rob me of that.

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I ran the past two days. I forgot how law school makes me run like someone is chasing me. I don’t understand how I am already stressed. This is only the third day of school. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!

I’m not sleeping well, and I’m a little on edge. I need to get a grip on my life. Oh, and I REALLY need to clean up my room and unpack. It looks like a bomb full of clothes, pillows, books, and highlighters exploded.

I can’t wait to go out tonight.

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I have been reading lots of new blogs tonight, and I commented to Soup’s post on the Urban dictionary, but I was having so much fun, with my comment, that I decided to make a post of my own. I am going to search for people’s names who read this, or who are my friends and don’t read this (because they don’t love me or because I tell them everything anyways). Anyway, if your name isn’t here, you can go here and look yourself up. I think this is going to be a fun game. I’ll start with myself.

Charlsie is as of yet, undefined.
But Kate is defined, ( #1 is scary, #4 cracks me up, #8 is just wrong, #9 is mean).
Paine is defined, but is kinda scary.

Travers isn’t defined, but Trav is.
Katie is my roommate – most people like the name Katie, but some people write gross stuff.

Okay, now I am going to tell you about my day, and put in links to the definitions of their names on Urban dictionary. If it is undefined, do something about it (a lot of names are undefined, so sometimes I put something similar). Keep in mind I didn’t write any of these definitions, I am just linking to the dictionary.

I went to Evidence this morning and sat with Jamie, Otis, Rakesh, and Jerome. Then I went to Natural Resources, and sat next to Ian. I was looking for Cristina because I wanted her to sit with us. Right before class started I looked at Ian’s book and realized I was in Tax. So I left. I walked out of the classroom and saw Appel heading into the room next door, and I followed him into class.

In natural resources I sat with Allison, Jason, and Ryan. Cristina sat with Brent.

After class I stood outside the locker room with Cristina while balancing a book on my head and waited for Jessica. I chatted with Jeff and Chad.

Then I went to lunch with Jessica, David, Tripp, Ally, and Kristin. On the way through campus we ran into Bizzy.

After lunch Jessica and David and I played on the internet. Kipp and Desmond were really loud. Cam said this wasn’t true (scroll to the graphs). Meredith told me how her boyfriend was electrocuted by her computer cord (he survived, and she got a new cord). Christy and I discussed boys and school and life and all the things that we always overanalyze.

okay, I’m getting tired…..

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Wow, I found this site through this post by soupie.   I love it.  I wish that I thought that girls and guys could really be friends, but I don’t think they can.  I think that guys and girls can be “friends,”  but I don’t think that girls and guys can be really close friends without there being some sort of hope or expectations on one side or the other.  Jessica Faye and I disagree on this.  But it is fun to talk about. 

p.s. I love my evidence class. 

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While driving down the road this morning on the way to school, I realized a few things. The first one was that I had left my water bottle in the sink – full and ready to go. The next was that I had no idea where I was even going, since I didn’t bother to check the class schedule for room assignments and a quick glance at the clock indicated that I was going to be late, wherever I was headed. In addition, I didn’t have my mobile so I couldn’t call anyone and obtain room assignment because I left my phone at Jessica Faye’s house last night.

I know I have said this before, but I really do hope that one day I am able to be a fully functional adult.

Now that I am at school, I have discovered that I have no willpower. And no concentration. And this has to stop. From now on I am going to be super useful and productive. I am going to do my homework and get my act together. I am not going to do these things because I think they will help me get a good grade (I’m not that naive), I am going to do them because I need some sort of gauge in my life to tell me that I’m not lazy and that I am capable of finishing a task. I know I’m not going to make a list and check things off – mostly because I don’t believe in lists and also because I would probably lose the list (which would be detrimental to the entire process and just be another failure). I’ve got to get some order in my life, otherwise I will have bad self esteem concerning my place in this world.

And we all know bad self esteem is the root of most evils.

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I am going back to Athens today. Which is very exciting. What is not exciting is that I have to get all of my stuff back to Athens. And my stuff is strewn about my parent’s house with reckless abandonment. I wouldn’t be surprised if my dog was chewing on some poor piece of my personal property right now.

My brother got an iPod for Christmas. We found my dad’s iPod. We gave my dad an iPod for father’s day – and then I didn’t have time to set it up for him before I went to Greece – due mostly to the fact that he had to upgrade his computer before I could set it up. While I was in Greece my dad lost his iPod. And we didn’t find it until after Christmas. We didn’t really start looking for it seriously until Travers got one and my dad got jealous. But now it is set up and ready to go. So my brother, my dad, and I all have an iPod. And we all have cool speakers to go with our iPods. I got the bose sound dock for Christmas – and my brother couldn’t stand it until he could get one of his own. And my dad started feeling left out – so he went and bought the JBL Center Stage – which is much smaller than the sound dock, but still cool. I told my mom that before she knew it we were going to have speakers in every room in the house, plus one at the river and two in the mountains. My mom wasn’t amused because she is feeling left out in general because she doesn’t have an iPod.

Now that I have the sound dock I can use my iPod to blow people through the wall with my music. Isn’t that awesome?

I really don’t want to pack. I really, really, really, really don’t want to. I want to lay in the bed and eat cookies and read my book. I love cookies.

I want to go to a Dolly Parton concert this summer. Any takers? Does she still have concerts?

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Last night was tons of fun. Not necessarily a night I would like to have on a regular basis, but one that I will remember for a long time. I didn’t lose anything (so far as I know), and I am sustained minor bruises and scraps – mostly due to the fact that I walked home barefoot through the east village. I wanted to walk all the way home barefoot from Chelsea, but it was too cold and even though my shoes were painful; the cold, wet ground was worse (and I hadn’t had enough to drink numb the pain).

But I do love New York. Even though there are a lot of people here that are entirely too much for me, and even though the only way I could live here was if I could have a house in the middle of central park, I still really like to visit.

I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I do know some wonderful people that I know I want to be in my life. But I don’t know where those people are going to end up – and I know that there are lots of other wonderful people out there that I haven’t met yet that I also want to be in my life.

I don’t have any serious thoughts about what I want out of this year. I can honestly say that 2004 was probably the most wonderful year of my life so far – with severe ups and severe downs. But the downs weren’t really that bad and all resolved themselves well – and the ups are incredible memories that I will have forever.

p.s. Tonight we decided what foods we all were. here is the list.

In everyday life:
Mary Beth – Vanilla cupcake with pink frosting.
Libby – Warm Honey Ham (baked) with cherry glaze
Jennifer – Pineapple (whole pineapple – spiky on the outside, sweet beyond compare inside).
Emily – Pretzel – bendy and salty.
Charlsie – chocolate chip cookie (sweet, with delicious morsels scattered throughout).

For Breakfast:
Mary Beth – muffin (close to cupcake)
Emily – biscuit (warm and buttery)
Libby – crispy bacon
Jennifer – cut pineapple
Charlsie – big bowl of grits

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As it turns out, I’m not quite the travel agent that I like to believe. I bought my plane ticket for this week during finals. I am incapacitated for normal activity during finals. I’ve said it before. But this is a great example. My flight was suppose to leave tomorrow. But some how I made a mistake on the computer and booked it for the 30th, then I never looked at the confirmation (something my dad always tells me to do, I know, I know).

So instead of leaving tomorrow and getting to spend some quality time in DC, I am leaving on Thursday and will only be in DC for a night. That sucks. But as libby said, it could be much worse. I could have booked it for today and missed it completely. That would be much worse. It is still going to be an awesome week, but I am going to miss Cybil’s party and that is going to suck. Oh well. At least I still get to go.

Sometimes I wonder if I am ever going to be a completely functional adult. I kinda doubt it. This is distressing.

I was taking a personality test and my mom was helping me, and I asked her on a scale from 1-5 (1 the least, 5 the most) whether she thought I was a perfectionist or not, and she said a 4. This surprised me because I don’t see myself as a perfectionist, but apparently I have perfectionist tendencies. I think this basically boils down to the fact that I am hard on myself. I don’t mean to be. I don’t know why it happens, or where the pressure comes from, because I don’t think the people in my life pressure me too much, but it is there anyway. And it causes me to be disappointed in myself for making mistakes that could have been avoided – like my plane ticket. I had to learn a long time ago to not put ridiculous expectations on the people in my life because no one is perfect and I am setting myself up for disappointment in addition to alienating people. I guess I am still learning how to do that for myself. Oh well.

But I am still soo excited about spending the weekend with my favorite people in such fun cities!!!!! Can’t wait, can’t wait!!!!! Happy New Year’s!!!!!!

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