the thin line between optimism and delusion…

This summer while I was in Greece, using the internet was expensive and I would try to think about what I wanted to post to my blog during the day in order to save time when I was actually sitting at the computer. I was also overwhelmed by everything around me and tried to take note of as much as possible.

I have never had a journal before, and I have never written many of my thoughts down before. But now that I do write a lot of my thoughts down, I spend a lot of time thinking about what I am going to write. And I probably write down about 1% of what I think about writing. Writing is a release, and sometimes just thinking about what I would write is a release.

I especially like to think about journal topics when I am running. I can come up with tons of things I want to say while I am breezing through the woods. But the amazing thing is, once I come home from running, I almost never write down my running thoughts. I think this is because running is a release. And once I am calm and relieved of my stress – I don’t have the compulsion to write anymore. I don’t know if this means that I am not a true writer, because I think a true writer would only be happy once they wrote down there idea. But whether or not I am a true writer is not important.

I am fascinated that this fairly new hobby of keeping a journal has changed what I think about on a regular basis. Actually writing in the journal is one activity, but thinking about what I am going to write is a whole other activity in itself. It is weird to add to your daydreaming activities. I like it.

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Since the town of Athens will empty this weekend and relocate along the Ga/Fl coast from Savannah to Jacksonville – we have to celebrate Halloween early. The first time the Ga/Fl game interfered with my Halloween plans I was 12 – and here I am again, 14 years later with the same problem. I love Halloween. I was very happy when Jamie, Otis, Caleb and Jay decided to have a party last night. Then there is the SBA party tonight, but I don’t know if I can rally to the level of last night again tonight, especially not with this weekend looming.

The party last night was awesome. Jessica and I bought cheerleading uniforms at Target and completely enjoyed flashing back to high school. We both have a problem turning the page sometimes. The boys did a great job with their costumes – and with getting everyone else to get involved. Jamie wanted to be Willy Wonka and he was able to assemble the entire cast. Jay was the candy store man, Caleb was Mike t.v., Lauren was Verouka Salt, Brent was the best Ompa Lompa I have ever seen, and Kimberly was the golden ticket, we had an everlasting gobstopper, Violet, wallpaper that tastes like snosberries….I’m telling you, it was impressive. We watched scenes from the movie on the big screen – I sang all the songs for everyone. Later, Jessica and I did the perfect cheer. Then we had a dance party to Michael Jackson. My pom pom got caught in the fan. It was awesome. Cristina was a white trash chick and Otis was also white trash (I think they were both suppose to be Florida fans – they both looked great).

I was really impressed with everyone’s costumes – Tunde was Andre 3000 – Taylor was Paris (really well done) – I am blanking on all the other costumes – the bottom line was that it was tons of fun. I’m not sure I have had that much fun at a Halloween party in a really long time. We will see what everyone brings out tonight. I can’t wait.

Oh my gosh, I almost forgot about the best outfit of all – Staci was Britney Spears, and it was totally believable except the fact that Staci is way skinnier than ole Brit these days.

I am going to sing willy wonka songs in my head all day long…..

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 hate Tennessee. But apparently a lot of other people hate them more than I do. Since I am fascinated by the emotions that overtake people with regards to sports, the Alabama – Tennessee rivalry is especially interesting. If you know what I’m talking about but prefer Baseball to football, check out the post “Victory!” by Scoplaw. If you like football, stick with me.

An lengthy ESPN article today discusses the dangers that are likely to arise today at Neyland Stadium. Here a few quotes that I found especially interesting:

“Emotions are so raw that fans with tickets on both sides have voiced concerns about possible violence in the stands at Neyland Stadium, and in surrounding tailgate areas.”

“How did we get to the point where a caller to a Birmingham radio station a few weeks ago said that, if it came down to Tennessee vs. The Taliban, he couldn’t find a side to root for?”

“And then Fulmer pulled the SEC Media Days boycott stunt in late July, refusing to appear at the annual event in Birmingham. Apprised that he was going to be subpoenaed by Alabama fan-lawyer Tommy Gallion to testify in a civil suit by former Alabama coaches, Fulmer stayed in Knoxville and fired back — basically telling the state of Alabama to get over it.”

Wow. That is serious. Although it is a long shot and everyone thinks that Tennessee is going to win, wouldn’t it be fun if they didn’t? I mean, they almost lost to Ole Miss last weekend. We should have beaten them. They have been very lucky the past couple weeks and I would like to think that their luck is going to run out soon. Apparently a lot of these bad feelings about Fulmer have to do with his involvement with Alabama’s NCAA sanctions for recruiting violations. But it is a lot more than that I think. Although I do think that the intensity of this hatred is a little more than I can muster right now (talk to me later about Auburn) – I think this last quote does a lot to explain the serious feelings:

‘But that’s college sports in the South, where in many states there are no pro franchises or much of anything else to dilute fans’ attention and passion. “There’s a bit of Southern machismo culture, and college football plays to that cultural trait,” St. John said. “There’s a raw kind of quality to Southeastern Conference football that finds its expression in unmoderated language and gestures.”‘

Basically the bottom line is that people in Alabama and Tennessee don’t have anything else to feel strongly about. I mean, the Braves are the only pro team in the south that really anyone cares about all the time, and they are in Georgia anyway.

I love Saturdays in the fall. They make me happy. I guess I am just attracted to passion. Passion about anything. I don’tlike the hate that goes along with it, but it isn’t hate of a person. It is just hate born of competition and love. I LOVE Georgia. And that is what brings out the hate of other teams that humiliate and defeat what I love. I like people who are passionate about something, because without passion life is pretty boring. Even though most passionate people are a little intense, maybe I’m a little intense as well. Sometimes I can’t turn it off.

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I love Thursday. I think it is the greatest day. I only have two classes, and they are my two favorite classes. Friday is really fun too, but on Thursday you have the whole weekend to look forward to, including Friday. And it can be fun to go out on Thursday. If you don’t go out on Thursday, there are lots of fun television shows to watch.

I am impressed with television right now. I am obsessed with the new television show “Lost.” It is awesome. Then there is my favorite (kinda) old show – “Scrubs.” I love anything that has to do with the hospital. My mom and my aunt are nurses and my uncle and my grandfather are doctors (all my mom’s family). My dad used to take us to the hospital in the morning to eat breakfast with my mom when she would work the night shift. The hospital has the best pancakes – but I always thought it was weird that you had to pay for the syrup. I wanted to be a nurse for a while, but I just couldn’t hack it in science classes. There were so many reasons I wanted to be a nurse. But it just didn’t work out. Instead I had to go to law school.

Well, I didn’t have to go, but it was another option. Law school is more my style of thinking. I like to analyze. I can’t memorize. Plus, if you are a nurse, you have people’s lives in your hands. One of my friends from undergrad who is in medical school at MCG now – I was talking to him about not wanting to have the responsibility of someone else’s life in my hands – and he said that he wanted that responsibility. I can’t imagine. What a crazy person. Not that I don’t admire doctors, but I would think the worst part about it would be the stress of how serious the consequences are if you make a mistake. I also love ER, for the above mentioned reasons.

I think desperate housewives is going to turn out well, but I don’t always have time to watch it and I am a little lost. Okay, that is enough about television – I think I am going to go hang out outside. My parents are in town and I think they might take me out to a yummy dinner. Awesome.

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I failed my eye exam a couple of weeks ago. Which is always distressing. My eyes went from -3.25 to -3.75. Because I haven’t had a car, it has taken me a while to get new contacts. But I got my car back today (Yeah!) and I also got new contacts. I am a new person. You never realize what you can’t see until you can see. The leaves on the trees are so detailed. So even though I drank a little too much beer last night (in celebration of the baseball game – I love sporting events) and it is a little dreary outdoors and I need to wash my hair- I am feeling renewed. I am mobile again and I can see – which is oh so important. Last night I had a blast – Jessica and Gina and Christine are my new best friends. I love my new first years. Oh, and I also love David, Josh and Scott. And I am awesome at pool.

On another note, I got called on this morning. First she called on Miss Payne. Miss Erin Payne. And I felt like I had dodged a bullet . Then she proceeded to address Miss Paine. Miss Charlsie Paine. And I began to shake. Thankfully I had a great outline that included the hypo on which I was being quizzed (since I didn’t read the material). We were discussing elective share – and professor was impressed by my quick mathematical skills – when in reality I possess no mathematical skills and she just never changes her hypos. I mean, the outline is from three years ago – you would think they might switch something up. I got to be the common law and switch between being the incompetent spouse and the competent spouse – the incompetent spouse can’t elect to take the elective share because you have to be competent to be able to elect. I’m learning, I’m learning. Now, lets cross-reference RCRA and the Clean Water Act. Are lead bullets a point source? Appel says that lead is not necessary to blow things up, but it is cheap. I think I am going to do the crossword.

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My birthday was a couple of weeks ago. Birthdays are lots of fun, and I think the presents that you receive can say a lot about what people think about you. It isn’t always a good idea to read into presents, because a lot of times people just buy you things that they would like for themselves (I have a strong tendency to do this). But it is still something to think about. So if you are interested in what the people around me think of me, here is a sample:

My roommate from last year who I have known my whole life gave me pajamas. I love them, they are awesome.
My parents gave me the coolest blanket I have ever received (a baby blanket in adult size, I’m telling you, you need one) and also a really fun little pink pillow. Mama also made me a layer cake with butter cream icing.

My other old roommate gave me a caramel cake (her mom makes them, they better than your grandmothers). And a third old roommate gave me a warm fuzzy scarf. Two of my law school girls gave me an engraved mirror.

Now, these are the things that we can read out of this:

1. I love to sleep. I love my bed. I love to lay in my bed. It is very important to me to have a very comfortable bed. If I am not in my bed, I like to be on the sofa wrapped in a blanket. I think that if you are on the sofa you should have a blanket because blankets are awesome (my family calls it my “nest” when I come home for holidays and set up camp in the den). I also think that you should wear pajamas when you are at home, regardless of what you are doing.

2. I love sweets, especially baked goods. Luckily, my old roommate was thoughtful enough to bring her cake a week after my birthday so as to stagger the sweets. I can only eat so much sugar a day, as hard as I try.

3. The mirror indicates a few different things. The engraving shows that I like things to be personalized. The fact that it is a mirror reveals my vanity problem. It also reveals my inability to put on lipstick without a mirror and the fact that I am completely blind without my contacts and I need to be able to fix them at all times if necessary. I also love nic-knacks and things I can carry around. The scarf falls into the nic-knack category since I live in Georgia and we don’t really need scarves. But I need scarves, because they are fun and soft and snuggly.

If anyone wants their gifts analyzed, I’m not doing anything important, just learning about slayer statutes in trust and estates. Lesson learned – Don’t kill people if they are going to leave you a lot of money, either by intestacy or otherwise.

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Me and friend. We will call her “W”. Discussion involving guy we had fun with this weekend.

Me: “That guy is absolutely adorable, I love him.”
W: “I know, he is really cute.”
Me: “Too bad he is such a child.”
W: “I like children.”

Which is true. W does like children. This might explain her tendency to gravitate towards guys that are trouble. But maybe that is the problem with women in general. We like trouble.

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“To think that the spectre you see is an illusion does not rob him of his terrors; it simply adds the further terror of madness itself – and then on top of that the horrible surmise that those whom the rest call mad have, all along, been the only people who see the world as it really is.”
– C. S. Lewis, Perelandra

I thought this was a good October Halloweenie quote. I love Halloween.

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I had a spectacular weekend. Nothing happened this weekend that changed my life drastically, but it was fun and happy and carefree. Things that happened:

1. Cristina, Christy and I got to spend some quality time together over a beer and some spinach dip, where we discussed the mysteries of life – racism, boys, marriage, cliques in law school, and being overly sensitive. After we sorted all of this out, we were ready for the weekend.

2. I spent some quality time with Travers, and we got to talk about the relationships in our lives. It is really nice to have a brother that is as close in age to me as Travers, because I think that everyone needs a great friend of the opposite sex to talk to about life. I definitely need his perspective, otherwise I lose touch with how men really react to women, and probably get my feelings hurt or hurt someone else’s feelings. Since I don’t believe that men and women CAN actually be very close friends and it not be more than friendship (when harry met sally), I feel blessed to have a brother.

3. Cristina and I finally experienced a Bar-B-Q place we have been driving past on occasion. It is called Jot-it-down, and it was awesome. It was awesome on a lot of different levels. It made me feel like I was in the North Georgia mountains, or maybe at the lake in South Georgia, the bottom line is that I felt like I was somewhere that was difficult to get to, and hard to get away from. The pulled pork plate came in the standard form – pulled pork, potato salad (yellow!), brunswick stew (remember we are talking about GA bbq), and two pieces of white bread. There is something comforting in this meal, and finding a new favorite bar-b-q shack is reason for celebration. Also, Jot it down has biscuits in the morning, which is oh so very exciting, especially since Athens doesn’t have a bojangles. My life is more complete.

4. I learned that there are some people that always resurface in your life. There are some people that the only thing weird about being with them is that it is so normal, so natural. And it doesn’t matter how long it has been since you saw them last, it will be just like you had seen them every day for years. And once time teaches you that the only thing that is for sure is that you will see them again, hearing their plane fly overhead as they leave can only make you smile.

5. The best kind of friends come to Athens for football games and are along for the ride. Living football games this way might decrease the amount of people you get to see, but it will definitely increase the quality of time you spend with the people you do see. I need for my friends to understand that I have had to go on with my life in Athens, and that they are going to leave me here on Sunday and go back to their own lives elsewhere. It is okay if we don’t get to hang out every Friday night.

6. If you like cosmopolitans, the bartender at Blue Sky named Mark, makes the best cosmo I have ever had in Athens.

7. I discovered that they sell french fries and hamburgers at Sanford Stadium, in the southeast side on the 200 level. I was impressed.

8. I found out that it is easier to lay on the sofa all day on Sunday when you don’t have a car and have no way to go anywhere.

9. I have a newly renewed hate for Tennessee, and I don’t think that their record is indicative of what kind of team they are. I just hope South Carolina is having a good day with the volunteers come to Columbia.

10. After hanging out with an awesome dog, I realized how much I wish my life allowed me to have a dog. Even though I know I am not responsible enough, and I have a hard enough time just taking care of myself, I still wish I could have one. I miss my dogs.

11. I bought a plane ticket to visit Libby and Maggie in NYC in November. It has been a long time since I have been to the city and I am looking forward to it. I fly out on a thursday night and I get back very early on Monday morning. By that time it will have been a long time since I have seen Libby or Maggie and I will need them. It will also be the last fun thing I get to do before I have to come back and be serious about exams.

12. Desmond and Emily won the mock trial competition. I am so very proud of both of them, they deserve this. I was in attendence, and I was impressed with both of their litigation skills.

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It is so beautiful outside, and it is cold. It is unbelievably refreshing to walk outside and be hit by the coolness and warmed by the sun. North Campus has that damp feel of a big backyard with lots of big old trees that have dropped leaves and acorns but still prevent the sunlight from drying the dirt. I had a dream last night that another tree fell down on north campus, which would upset me greatly and I am glad that it was just a dream. I am in the annex, and I forget how much I enjoy the annex. It is very quiet, and if you work it out right, you can surround yourself with friends and still get work done, which is a spectacular state of affairs in my opinion, and one I have found very few places. I have good feelings about this weekend, it promises to be cold and laid back. I don’t think I have any friends coming to visit, which in a lot of ways is sad, but it is also nice to relax. Three home football games in a row is enough to wear on anyone. I had a great night last night, I hung out with five girls that I adore, we drank a few beers and ate pizza and candy, I talked to a far away friend on the phone, and I got a good night sleep. Desmond and Emily are going to dominate in mock trial today and I can’t wait. Christy is such a sympathetic witness. I am so proud of them!

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