the thin line between optimism and delusion…

I am having difficulty with my picture posting, but hopefully will have it all figured out pretty soon….

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Yesterday it seemed like a good idea to go to target and get a bunch of stuff for my apartment that I needed. I purchased a toaster oven, an ice shaver, an egg crate for my bed, and two new pillows for my bed. I still haven’t removed the toaster oven or the ice shaver from the back of my car, but I did fix my bed. I also did a great deal of laundry yesterday. So when I got in the bed last night, I had a new egg crate, new pillows and clean sheets. It was awesome. But when I woke up this morning at 9:45, I couldn’t convince myself to get out of bed. I was not tired. Even at the time, I was aware that I was not tired. I just didn’t want to get out of my great new bed. I’m telling you, this new pillow I got it amazing, I am pretty picky about pillows sometimes, and I haven’t found a pillow that I was infatuated with in years, but this pillow is just right. It is unbelievable how important good bed stuff is, and how you don’t realize how terrible your current bed stuff is until you get new good stuff. The only drawback is that if it is too good, you are never going to want to get out of bed.
I spent most of this weekend at my apartment by myself. No real reason why I did this, I mean, I went out friday and saturday night, but when I wasn’t out, like during the daylight, I was at my apartment by myself. Oh, and I did go to church on sunday, and of course target. I really had a great time though. I watched some terrible movies, truly terrible ones, but then I also watched some great ones. I think I did nothing this weekend because I know that from now on, there will be something to do every weekend. Next weekend when I wake up on Saturday morning hungover, I won’t be able to lay around and recover from the self induced flu. I will get out of bed, take a shower (hopefully), and get all dressed up for the FIRST FOOTBALL GAME!!! I am so excited. Libby is coming into town, which is awesome, cause I won’t have to call her on Saturday and tell her all about my friday night, because she will have been there and we can discuss it over the tailgate. And my parents are going to be in town, and my brother, and it is going to just be awesome!! Just the smell of bourbon and chicken figures, beer and bar-b-q; it gives me chills. CHILLS!!! (what am I going to wear????!!!)

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I have figured out how to put pictures on the new blog that I started, so if you want to see some of my pictures from this summer, go to http://charlsiekate.blogspot.com/ . I am posting pictures, so more are coming!

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My favorite picture of the summer, sunrise in Syros, complete with Greek man, lighthouse, bird and moon.  

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Kallie and me on the cliff in Santorini after riding donkeys up from the port! 

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This is a continuation of another blog, the address of which is http://www.livejournal.com/users/charlsiekate/ .

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I really hate to do this, but I think I am going to change the location of my online journal. I don’t know why I feel the need to do this, but for some reason I just really like this other blog better. This one is still going to be here, but I think I am going to start posting to this other one. I will probably post to both for a little while, until I can figure out what my livejournal friends need to do to add my new blog to their friends list, because I know there is a way to do it. My new blog address is http://charlsiekate.blogspot.com . I hope that works for everyone, tell me if this is a serious problem.

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Oh, sweetheart, you don’t need law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those things.

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In the library/stressful world I live in, I need to give thanks to a friend. Snickers candy bars bring me great comfort and strength. I have a weird schedule these days, and I end up either having to eat lunch before 12, or after 1:30, and in either case I end up listless at some point during the day. I would say hungry, but I am ADHD, and the adderrol I take keeps me from being what most people would call “hungry.” But when I don’t eat enough, I get tired and worn out and down. And this is not good. But Snickers always comes through for me. I mean, it is one of the best tasting things in the universe, so even if you are too tired to eat most things, you can still muster up the energy to eat a snickers. And Snickers worth extends far beyond the library. For instance, say you are hiking, and have been hiking all day. The one thing you do know is that you can’t go any farther. The convo goes something like this:
(Far above the tree line)
You: “I quit.” (lie down, stop moving).
Friends: “You can’t quit, you don’t have a choice, you can’t stay here, it is dangerous. Get up.”
You: “No thanks, I’ll just die here.”
Friends: “Here, eat this snickers and you will feel much better.”
You: “You have a snickers bar?” (sit up, anticipating chocolate, but not expecting to like it much, you feel sick, but after the first few bites you realize that this is the best snickers bar you have ever tasted, and new found energy is discovered in the caramel, peanut, chocolate wonderfulness of the candy bar).
And as it turns out, you do feel much better. I mean, I will never believe that any sort of energy bar can produce such results. Believe in the power of the snickers. It is a classic.

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I can’t stop thinking about what I should be doing. The problem is that I can’t decide what I should be doing. Oh course, I should be doing my work (at least according to my teachers and some of my friends). But really, what is doing my work going to get me? It is going to decrease the chance that I make a fool of myself in class tomorrow, but it isn’t going to guarantee anything, since we all know that no matter how prepared you are, teachers have this terrible habit of making you forget everything. But doing my homework will in the long run make studying for my finals easier. But of course my worst grade last year was in the one class that I always read for, and the two classes I did the best in were the ones that I didn’t read much for. The important part is that I learn the material, and it can be really difficult to figure out the most effective way to do that. Because I really do want to succeed in law school. It is difficult, because I am what some people would call “a gamer.” And what I mean by this is that I can only give my best performance when it counts. For instance, I did 3 points higher on the real LSAT then my best practice test score. And 3 points is lot, I really needed those points to help my gpa. Or how I am much better at quarters when I am playing in a game than I am when I am just playing by myself (not that I do this a lot). Or how I could always run faster or jump higher in high school if I was actually competing for something. Part of this has to do with being competitive, but it is more than that for me. I don’t really mind losing. Although I am sure that there are some reasons why being a gameris a good thing, because it does allow me to come through when it counts, it is detrimental to my work ethic. I can’t give forth my best effort in practice. And this is a terrible thing. Because if I can’t practice in best form, then I will never be able to be consistent. And also, if I know that I am going to have some added skill when it matters, I don’t have the incentive to practice. Plus, I like to live on the edge sometimes. I didn’t graduate from college until three days after law school started. After fall semester of my senior year I still needed 24 hours of credit to graduate. I took 12 hours at UGA spring semester, 3 hours at Augusta Tech winter quarter, 3 hours at Athens tech spring quarter, 3 hours independent study from UGA, and 3 hours via the internet from Bowling Green University in Kentucky (it was a C.S. Lewis english course I was interested in). I only graduated from college after making a D in a calculus course I took spring term at athens tech. Now, what this means is, had I not passed this course at athens tech, I would not have been able to go to law school, since there really wasn’t time for me to take another course (I might have been able to add late into a summer course at Augusta State or UGA, but only if I was VERY lucky). Knowing this information, I still decided to see how close I could come to failing. I’ve never made a D in my life other than this course. Luckly, from some grace of God, UGA accepts Ds from Athens Tech, and in addition, my degree did not require me to make a C in calculus. I couldn’t get it together enough to take my independent study final until about a week before law school, and it was this grade that kept me from graduating, in addition to the fact that UGA was waiting on my grade from bowling green who had not finished summer classes yet and would not release my transcript until they did. But as it turns out, UGA is a bunch of liars, and they went ahead and graduated me before my bowling green credit came in by using one of my many excess credit courses to fulfill the requirement that they swore would not work. Even though I have graduated, Oasis still wants to list my law school classes on a transcript with my undergrad classes, and puts my law classes in the excess credit area. I apologize for the length of this post, and the rambling that isn’t interesting, but I feel it is necessary to show how lucky I am to be here, but also to indicate that cutting it close can work out and it teaches me bad lessons when it does.

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