the thin line between optimism and delusion…

I love the Kentucky Derby. It makes me happy. I heard this conversation in the bar last night:

Girl 1 – Are you going to study tomorrow?
Girl 2 – God no! I have to watch the derby and drink.
Girl 1 – Oh yeah! My mom called me to make sure I didn’t forget to watch it. Isn’t that ridiculous?
Girl 2 – Hah! That is hilarious! Yes, we must drink tomorrow.

(the girls left the bathroom – and Cristina and I started laughing)

Cristina – I’m sure their geography exam is going to be terrible. It makes me sick to hear them talking about having to study. I’ll tell them about studying.
Me – When they were talking about their mom being ridiculous, I felt like saying – My parents named me after the announcer of the Kentucky Derby – isn’t THAT ridiculous?
Cristina – you should have, I would have started crying laughing.

I have had a bad day. I deserve a julep cup to make myself feel better about it.

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Sorry about the EDD from yesterday. I’m feeling much better today. I’m finished with my finals, and although I have a paper I still have to right, I feel very much finished. It is weird.

I don’t have a lot of other thoughts. I’m sleepy. I think I am going to take a nap.

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Exams make me feel bad about myself in a way that very few things make me feel bad about myself. Obviously I have some Excessive Drama Disorder associated with these feelings, but all kidding aside, I completely lack self esteem when it comes to law school exams.

This is because I could study until my fingers and eyes were bleeding for one class – and do terrible, while in the same breath I could play around all semester and not try – and make a decent grade. There have been a precious few instances where my grade has reflected my effort, one way or the other – and this intensely frustrates me. In addition to the fact that although I have received grades that I probably didn’t deserve sometimes – it is much more often the case that grades make me feel bad. I’m not concerned with my grades, that isn’t the point, the point is that taking the exams make me feel bad about myself and my grades don’t help.

Regardless of what grade I get, taking the actual exam makes me feel stupid.

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A while back Pete took some time to examine how Girls are Crazy and Boys are Stupid. But this bride is a special kind of Crazy, and this groom is a special kind of Stupid.

5 reasons why John Mason…

WANTS TO MARRY HER:
1. She’s not really like that, he says. “She’s a victim here as well.”
2. She makes him “happy,” he said. She just “needs some help.”
3. He wants her to be his babies’ mama: “Her mom always says she was put on this Earth to be a mother.”
4. She didn’t just leave for kicks, he said, even though she “did end up in Las Vegas.”
5. They’ve not done it yet: “In God’s eye, our relationship is still very pure.” ******

SHOULDN’T MARRY HER:
1. She skipped out on you before the wedding, setting off nationwide
search.
2. She skipped out on you before the wedding, setting off nationwide
search.
3. She skipped out on you before the wedding, setting off nationwide
search.
4. She skipped out on you before the wedding, setting off nationwide
search.
5. She skipped out on you before the wedding, setting off nationwide
search.

***as an added footnote – they live together. I find this confusing. Does anyone else find this confusing in light of #5?

I think all of this is surprisingly funny. I know that this is obviously a cry for help, and I do truly hope that Jennifer is able to work everything out and I really admire her fiance for sticking with her.

But, she had 14 bridesmaids. And invited 600 people to the wedding. And really made a lot of people mad. If I was a bridesmaid I would be mad. Being in a wedding cost a lot of time and effort and money. Plus, this is the second engagement she has broken off. I mean, I guess there must be something about this girl that causes men to propose, but whoa, lets try to limit the number of lives we ruin while searching for the person of our dreams. The New York Daily Times article also says that he gave her her diamond back. Why didn’t she have it with her? Don’t you think leaving the diamond behind should have been a good indication that she had intentions of leaving? And what about the fact that she bought the bus ticket a week in advance? It wasn’t like she was running and she just keep running cause she couldn’t stop like Forest Gump. This was planned. And it cost a lot of money. I don’t think this should be rewarded.

I love the billboard. I love it, it cracks me up (but note that it says she is 5’8 and 123 pounds. I’m 5’8, and if I was 123 pounds, I would be in the hospital – I look sickly at 135. p.s. Jessie Faye notices this). The little bride running away that has been added is hilarious. Atlanta has some of the craziest billboards – previously my favorite one was on I-85 coming north from the airport that is bright yellow and says – Welcome to Atlanta – Home of So So Def Recording. But I think I might have a new favorite billboard. And the one on 316 with the huge picture of Ronald Reagan – and says – Farewell Mr. President – the World owes you a great debt – or whatever it says – is really weird. Anything with a picture of someone’s face on it is great.

(things that some other people had to say about this that I thought were funny):

Veiled Conceit:

Runaway Blogger – I was kidnapped, I tells ya, and the kidnappers were Hispanic. Or at least I think they were. At least one of them was definitely ethnic. It was dark in the van, so I really couldn’t tell. Pray for me.

Begging the Question:

Bride of the Prankees – My guess is that the kind of person who is loopy enough to get to that point isn’t thinking clearly enough to worry about having to pay for some search dogs.

Manolo:

By the comparison, the Princess Diana she only had five maids of the bride. The Jackie O. when she was the Jackie B. and married the JFK, she had only ten of the maids of the bride.

Manolo says, although the Manolo he is usually in favor of the opulence and the luxury, it is nonetheless the rule of the Manolo that if the girl she feels the need to have more than ten maids of the bride–more than the Jackie O. (nee B.) needed to marry the JFK–she should not be getting married.

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I have carpal tunnel. And my elbow hurts. And I have a headache. And my body is sore from running too long on monday. I’m getting a crick in my neck.

Did I ever mention I was a hypochondriac?

I’m going to fail out of school.

(but I did get to eat breakfast this morning at five star with Lawdawg and The Davis. It was so yummy).

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Recent email exchange –

Hey! I’m sorry it has taken me so long to respond, I have been trying to pick up the pieces of my life after that exam. I think there is a good chance that I also got every single question wrong. At 3:45 I was only on question 35 of the multiple choice. So it took me an hour and a half to do 35 multiple choice questions. Which left me an hour and twenty minutes to do 60 multiple choice questions. How many pages was the exam? 70? Really, I don’t know what he was thinking. I was shaking, and sweating, and I couldn’t breathe – and this continued for hours. I ran 4 1/2 miles afterwards, that I can’t remember at all, and then I drank a little wine with Cybil last night, needless today I didn’t get out of bed until late this morning. No kidding I am going to fail con law on thursday in the same way that I failed evidence. I’ll never be prepared for Well’s exam. And then natural resources 16 hours after I walk out of con law. Exams are really bad for my self esteem. quite traumatizing.

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One of the most hilarious people I know has officially joined the blogging world.

Everyone – meet Megan Mattingly (for some reason that link doesn’t seem to be working, let’s try this – www.megan83.blogspot.com). Megan is from Augusta and enjoys picking up guys at cutters and playing on the facebook while maintaining one hell of a wardrobe, GPA, and sparkling white teeth.

She just started today, so there is only one post as of right now, but I have great feelings about this.

So, go see how awesome Megan is, and leave her lots of comments, and add her to your blogroll, and make sure she feels loved and encouraged and sticks with it. I promise y’all will like her, if you don’t you can delete me from your life – or erase me – or whatever they do at lacunae, inc.

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Church makes me feel better about life. I love Sundays @ the Morton. Julie Powell – whom I truly respect and love – tells a wonderful story of how she got involved with The Morton. I also attended St. James for a while, but ended up The Morton because friends of mine from home led music there before Julie took over. Carolyn Moore was an amazing friend to me and the Morton became home. She helped me to grow up in my faith.

Carolyn moved to Augusta to start her own church a couple of years ago and David Moore (no relation) took over. David is such an awesome person, he truly appreciates people for who they are and where they are coming from, and he is willing to meet you where you are, and doesn’t pass judgment on where you ought to be. This is probably the first time since high school – and probably early high school – that I feel really good about the niche I have found in my church. College was hard, and part of the problem was me. But a lot of is that college is hard. The important part is that I’m really happy now – I have some amazing friends of all ages that I have made through the Church, and I feel like I have been given the opportunity to be something of a leader – even though I cringe sometimes at the mistakes I make in that capacity.

All I can say is that God is good.

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I have decided to stop giving the security guard a hard time. His job is to check IDs at the door of the law library. From now on, I will have my ID with me and offer it without being asked, and I will not act exasperated. Just because I hate being IDed in general and find it a ridiculous hassle doesn’t change the fact that it is his job. Who am I to deprive this man of his day’s work? It isn’t his fault that it is pouring down rain outside. It isn’t his fault that I can’t keep up with my student ID. It isn’t his fault that I expect to be recognized after one encounter – just because I have some vanity issues I need to deal with doesn’t mean that he should suffer because of them. Especially if I am going to take my fleece on and off all day. And if he wants to smoke a cigarette and ID me at the door of the building, well, he has that right I guess.

I am the reason we need the security guard in the first place. I really like being able to leave my stuff in the library, and if this means that we have to show our IDs, I’m more than OKAY with it. I leave my stuff laying around the library all the time AND I invite random people to come check out the law library. A couple of months ago I was in the main library – for no real good reason – and these rather different looking guys (they all had neon colored hair and looked like some of the euro-teen backpackers I meet last summer in greece) – well these guys asked me the guest pass for the main library computers. I told them that I didn’t know what the password was, but if they went to the law library across the quad that those computers didn’t have passwords (this is probably the kind of thing that they should revoke my library privileges for).

These guys really looked like they were just passing through, and I wanted them to have an positive experience at UGA. Silly me. These guys became regular patrons of the law library. One day I went outside and Tunde was teaching one of them how to improve his juggling skills (which made me feel a little better about inviting these guys over). I wanted to run into the library and make a public announcement that Tunde was juggling outside, but I restrained myself and calmly watched while interjecting things like – “OH! You almost had it!” and “WOW! That was Awesome!” and “I’m Impressed!” (Law school can be a lot like camp sometimes).

In other news, pray that the law school doesn’t get struck by lightening, because I would really have to just quit if my computer got blown up by lightening this week. I am confident that I couldn’t deal with such a catastrophe.

Also, I really need some new music. Pete says I need to study and not play on iTunes looking for new music. So if you have any suggestions, let me know. I’m pretty open and I think I need to branch out.

I think I am going to go play russian roulette with the coke machines downstairs.

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The beginning of this post sounds a lot like me.

Except I’m not actually playing dead. I’m just happily content to be below average. Outlining isn’t really my thing. Note taking isn’t really my thing either. And you can ask Professor Coenen – the UCC really isn’t my thing.

Obviously studying isn’t really my thing as well. Happy and cheerful and delusional is more up my ally.

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