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Archive for the ‘Thoughts’ Category

I woke up in the middle of the night last night.  There were footsteps in the leaves outside my window.  They sounded like human footsteps.  I thought maybe it was just super early – like 5:30 and it was my professor neighbor going somewhere.  I laid real still.  I finally rolled over and obtained my cell phone so I could see what time it was and keep my finger on 911.  It was 4:35.  Dang it.  No one has any business wandering around at 4:35 on a Friday morning.  I was freaking out.  I kept imagining that someone was on my front porch.  Shortly there after the sprinklers turned on and although they initially scared me to death – I started thinking that maybe it was cat or something in the leaves and that maybe the sprinklers had also contributed to the sound of footsteps.  Who knows.  But maybe it wasn’t a person.  Just maybe I wasn’t going to get attacked in my own home.  Eventually I fell back asleep.  And as expected I had crazy dreams. 

In one dream I dreamed that we got a list of the bar exam results early here at the courthouse, and that Heather and I both passed.  In this dream, the courthouse had a law school attached to it, and the building had magical powers like Hogwarts.  And on this day that we were looking at the bar results, people kept randomly ending up in our offices from all the secret passage ways.  Did I ever tell you I have an overactive imagination?

My other dream was pretty humorous, and it involved one of my good friends from high school that I haven’t seen in a while, and a natural history museum that was also a library, and a boy trying to kiss me out of the blue in the museum.  Hilarious.  It also involved crowds of people and getting lost.  But it is more jumbled than the other dream. 

Enough about my dreams, let’s move on to real life.  Yesterday Elizabeth and were running on the trail, we ran 7 miles, and it was getting sort of dark at the end of our run.  So we were running really fast.  And we were singing to our respective ipods.  Out loud.  We were trying to ignore the fact that it was getting dark and we were really into our runs.  Well, these two guys on bikes come up behind us and basically ride along and listen to us sing for a while.  Gah.  I’m sure they thought we were really hot.  But they did make sure that we made it to our car safely which was sweet. 

I got to hang out with my precious friend Molly last night and make a new friend Lindsey.  It was really fun.  I ate enough mexican food to choke a small horse.  It was awesome.  I wish I had some right now.  There is nothing better than catching up with an old friend over cheese dip and huge draft beers. 

Did I mention that I find out whether or not I passed the bar exam today?  Cross your fingers.  I’ve never had so much invested in a test in my life and I’m not sure I’ve ever straight up failed something, so if I fail, I might need someone to scrap me up off the concrete.  But then again, it is only a test and I’ll get it next time if I don’t get it this time.  Geeze. 

Also, I’m going to the NYC tonight!  Get excited!  I can’t wait.  Libby, Jennifer, Maggie, Cristi and I are going to be the Deal or No Deal girls for halloween.  We are going to a party tomorrow night.  Libby mentioned this to her boss, and her boss mentioned it to someone that works at NBC (libby works for a media corporation), and yesterday NBC sent Libby over 5 Deal or No Deal Briefcases for us to use in our costumes!  HOW AWESOME IS THAT! Here is a picture –Deal_or_no_deal_001_1

If you are going to be in the City this weekend – hit me on the cell piece.  Kisses. 

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October Thoughts

I know this is going to come to a shock to everyone, but I think too much. 

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about rejection and affirmation.  Encouragement is such a powerful thing.  When Elizabeth and I were on our long run last week, a man on his bike slowed down as he passed and said – "You girls are doing great – keep it up!"  and I can honestly say that his words made me feel awesome and made me want to keep doing great. 

It reminds me of when I was a sophomore in high school, and I was on the track team.  I was running either my warm up laps or my cool down laps, I don’t remember, but I was running by myself.  I didn’t really know anyone on either the girls or boys track team, and I was out of my element in a lot of ways.  My confidence was very transparent.

I heard footsteps quickly approaching behind me, someone was about to totally speed past my slow running little self.  But the runner didn’t blow past me.  He slowed up to my speed, and as he ran beside me I saw that it was a senior that I had never talked to – but that was a great track and basketball player – so I knew who he was.  He ran with me at my slow pace just long enough to say – "You’re cute – did you know that?"  and he sped off around the track and left me rather speechless. 

And I don’t know why, but this complement has stayed with me for a very long time.  I think part of it was the fact that I was feeling rather unsteady and vulnerable, and I think part of it was that he was older than me, and I was impressed with him as a person and an athlete, and I truly appreciated that he thought there was something noticable about me – at at point when I felt very invisible. 

I am sure he never knew how much that little bit of encouragement meant to my 16 year old self.  He graduated shortly after that, and ran track for UGA, and I used to run into him in Athens every once in a while. 

I tell that story as an example of how I wish I could be all the time.  I wish I could treasure up all the wonderful affirmations I receive on a regular basis and treat them all like prized possessions.  But I honestly have a hard time remembering the encouragement I receive.  I remember the rejections.  I dwell on the comments and actions of those who hurt my feelings and who do not care about me.  I don’t think this makes me unhealthy or strange, I think most people let negative comments carry much more weight than positive comments.  But if you think about the people who make the negative comments and who is making the positive comments – why would you ever take the negative comments seriously?  Why would I let some boy that doesn’t know me well hurt my feelings with a careless remark, while at the same time disregarding my best friend telling me how unique, charismatic, and enjoyable I am?  What kind of logic is that?  I refuse to live like that. 

My personal challenge to myself is to cherish the love and affirmation I receive as LEAST as much as I dwell on the negatives and rejections of life.  Because I decided this morning that being careless and wasteful with the love of others is the most inexcusable action in the world.  I know that rejection is still going to hurt and I’m still going to dwell on it.  But if I can focus on all the love that is afforded me, I will have less time to remember my disappointments. 

Oh, and let’s be clear about the fact that I live a charmed life and have very few disappointments.  I am blessed almost to a fault and I need to be more appreciative of how great I’ve got it.  I guess I just need to keep perspective. 

Deep thoughts on a monday afternoon.  I just want to make sure y’all know I’m still being overly analytical.  Kisses. 

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Things I Love

I love Gmap Pedometer

I love going on a long run and being exhausted and sweaty at the end of it.

I love Swiss Cheese.

I love Mountains.  Img_6493

I love Numb3rs and Bones.

I love Georgia Football.

I love Chocolate.

I love Coffee.

I love Luna Sunrise bars. 

Full I love it that this Friday is a full moon and next Friday is the 13th.  In between the two is the date 10.10.06 at which time I will be 26.  10+10+06= 26. 

I love sleazy etiquette guides

I love leaving work. 

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Pieces of me

I’m cleaning my room.  I wonder how many years of my life have been consumed with cleaning my room.  And yet my room is always messy.  How can this be?  Sometimes I want to throw it all away.  But when it comes down to it I have a hard time throwing it all away. 

This is interesting because I’m cleaning my room in my parents house – and there is crap in these drawers that go back decades.  Last week I went through all the closets and the medicine cabinet in my bathroom and threw away anything that was more than a year old.  So – basically I threw away everything. 

How do y’all feel about throwing away cd jewel cases?  I have about three hundred thousand of these suckers – and very few of them contain the corresponding cd.  But I feel bad throwing them away.  Like – I might want them sometime.  RRRRRRIIIIIGGGHHHT.  I’m throwing them away.  I’m throwing it all away.  Wish me luck. 

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IF


   

   
If you can keep your head when all about you
  Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
  But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
  Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
  And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
  If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
  And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
  Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
  And stoop and build’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
  And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
  And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
  To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
  Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
  Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
  If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
  With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
  And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
   
   

Rudyard Kipling

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I’m in augusta, and let me tell you that 200 year old houses are real cute most of the time, 10-15 foot ceilings can be impressive, but in the summertime, when you have a 20 year old air conditioner, it can get kind of hot. 

I went out with Travers and Cash and Lindsay last night – Paige came to meet us when she got off work.  It was fun and weird and interesting.  I was tired.  But before I went to sleep I reveled in being the recipient of  some late night dialing.  Love it. 

My parents woke me up this morning around 7:30 to see if I wanted to go to a 8 am spin class.  I didn’t.  Then my mom came back in my room around 10 and said (keep in mind this is father’s day weekend):

Mama:  "Daddy wants to know if you want to go out on the boat.  Otherwise he says he is just going to go to work."
Me:  " Geeze.   I’m dying of a heat stroke and the allergens are attacking me.  I’m one big histamine.  Leave me alone (I was kidding, but obviously didn’t communicate this well)."
Mama:  "I didn’t come in here for you to fuss at me."  (huffs out of room). 

I mean – obviously I had to go out on the boat.  I’m such a devoted child and I would hate to be the reason why my father worked on saturday.  Gah. 

I spent a couple of hours this afternoon on the Savannah river, directly below Clarks Hill dam, where the water comes out of the bottom of the lake and is icy and unreasonable cold for the air temperature.  So while the sun scorched my shoulders and warmed my hair, my feet tingled and burned in the frigid water.  Bella and Bo went out on the boat with us and I can honestly say I haven’t seen two such happy and contented dogs in a long time.  We drank a few coors lights, because my mom thinks it is sort of unnatural to be out on the boat on a saturday in the summertime and not drink a beer – and I agree. 

I got to see Jennifer for about five seconds on my way home from the river, and I was totally exhausted by the time I got back to the house.  So exhausted that after I watched Georgia lose in the college world series and watch the US hang on to a tie with Italy in the world cup that I had to take a big huge nap on the front porch swing.  It was great. 

I was a big loser and nerd tonight because I was too tired to do much more than eat a bunch of baked spaghetti and drink a glass of wine. 

My parents had to go to my dad’s 40th high school reunion tonight.  Isn’t that weird to think about?

Did I tell you about the new band I’m obsessed with?  They are called the Wreckers.  If you don’t like them then I don’t like you. 

I’m reading The Geographer’s Library currently, and I think it is awesome so far.  I wish I could write a novel.  I hear you need self motivation and organizational skills to complete such tasks.  I wonder if they sell those skills on ebay? I could probably still ask for that for a graduation present.

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Sidenote

Sometimes I get cynical and frustrated with dating and relationships, and right now I’m pretty bored if the truth be told, but – I have realized in the past couple of days that there really are some sweet awesome boys laying around, and even though for whatever reason those aren’t the right fit for me, I need to remember they they are there and that I get to interact with a lot of them on a regular basis. 

I guess I have just recently been reminded that some pretty great people think I’m pretty great too and I find that unbelievably comforting and satisfying. 

I can honestly say there is nothing of interest to report on this front, I just wanted to note my appreciation of boys that I have spent time with the in the past who still consider me fondly and boys who I interact with in the present who make me feel special and enjoyable. 

As long as I can remember these things, I can take most any rejection that comes my way, and for that, I am forever indebted.  I don’t even know if those who I am indebted to read my blog, or even if they did, if they would know that I was talking about them, but regardless, thanks. 

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Dream Job

I wish I was famous so I could sign my name all over everything all the time. 

I think I would be super good at that.  I like to write my name. 

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Happy Thoughts

I am in an awesome mood.  I’m not sure why. 

But I can give a few reasons that might be contributing to the happy feeling. 

1.  I had bible study tonight.  I always feel better about life after bible study.  I love the people, I love the conversation, and I love discussing the bible. 

2.  I went over to Jessica and Gina’s house for a wine and cheese party to celebrate Lil’ Jessie’s birthday.  Molly and Gina did a rap video, Faris and I got to hang out (she complained that I don’t update this beotch enough), and it was an all around fabulous night of good friends and ridiculous.  I didn’t really drink.  I’m still trying to dry out from last week. 

3.  I finally have a roommate.  I don’t see her too much – she leaves very early in the morning and sometimes doesn’t get back till late – but we get along very well and it is great to come home and have someone to chat with for twenty minutes before you go to sleep.  It is comforting just to know there is someone else here.  I am not cut out for solitary habitation. 

4.  I had the pleasure of consuming a Globe hamburger after bible study.  I basically browbeat everyone into going to the globe – and it was awesome.  They have the bestest hamburgers ever. 

5.  I’m starting to realize that even though sometimes I go through anti social spells where all I really want to do it sit around by myself or run by myself or go to movies by myself – I am much, much happier when I am busy and around people and consumed with life instead of being consumed with my own personal immediate whim.  I need obligations. 

6.  I have two more hours of class before it is the weekend again!  YAY!

7.  Have I ever mentioned how much I love Thursdays?

Seven seems like a lucky number . Yawn.  Faris – this one is for you. 

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Undecided State of mind

As far as school is concerned – my spring break starts today.  But – since I have an interview this afternoon, I have to take the MPRE on Saturday, and I have to get an outline done for my writing requirement paper before I leave – my spring break won’t actually start for a few more days. 

But I’m having a hard time concentrating.  Jessica sent the information for the house in Deer Valley – and I can’t even talk about how excited I am.  SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO EXCITED!!  Can’t breathe excited.  As I always get right before I go skiing.  Also – I’m going out in augusta tonight for Mary Beth’s – my favorite pick cupcake – birthday, which is tomorrow!  I’m going to drink sake!  I love sake!

But I have to study tomorrow so I’m not going to drink too much sake. 

So, I need to work on concentration and stop daydreaming about next week.  RIIIGGGHHTTT.

In other news – I saw Brokeback Mountain last night.  Seriously – most definitely the most depressing movie I’ve EVER seen.  I wanted to kill myself most of the movie.  Maybe that is a little extreme, but I can say that it made me very sad and everyone’s life seemed very bleak.  It was enough to turn anyone into an alcoholic.  I would have to be sent off to betty ford.  The natural beauty of Wyoming was amazing – but there is something so stark about the lifestyle, I don’t know.  It made me very sad, all over – in my bones and my brain and my heart.  Just sad sad sad. 

I had to sit on the floor in legal profession this morning.  I came in thirty second late and was just trying to disappear – which was made quite easy by the fact that there was no chair where my chair was suppose to be.  So I sat on the floor.  Doesn’t that suck?  I would like to kick in the shins whoever keeps stealing the chairs in legal profession.  DRIVES ME NUTS.  The chair is always there when I get there on time.  WTF?  What ev, I got to sign the attendance sheet – and I didn’t have to worry about getting called on because C. Ron couldn’t see me.  Sweet. 

I feel like there was something else I was going to tell y’all – but I can’t remember what it was. 

Bible study was awesome last night – I think this is going to be a productive Lenten season.  Yay God!

Kisses. 

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