Archive for July 20th, 2008

Would you like to send an error report?

If only there was some place to send the error report.  I’m losing it.  It isn’t just that I’m tired of studying.  I am tired of studying, but if my panic attacks were confined to studying, I would be coping much better.  But the stress of the bar sets off a chain reaction panic where I remember something at work I didn’t do that may end up ruining my life (this is honestly not in the realm of possibility, but that doesn’t change how I feel about it), or I remember something I said at the bar the other night, or how I never picked up that prescription, and how I never took that book on tape back to pilot gas station and how I can’t find a certain pair of pants and maybe I dropped them off at the dry cleaners long ago and never picked them up and now they are lost forever. 

Then I do coordinated things like pinching Briscoe’s fur under my chair (I didn’t know she was sitting DIRECTLY beneath me), and spent two hours feeling HORRIBLY guilty because my dog hates me.  She let out the most pathetic yelp.  To be fair, I don’t think I actually got any skin, but she moved to the other side of the room and chewed on the spot for twenty minutes.  What a drama queen. 

I’ve researched being a federal court translator (I don’t speak another language), getting pet insurance, how much cars cost (I have no intentions of buying a new car), gone through a case that is on appeal that I forgot to do something about on friday (the guy has already exhausted his rights in our court, he just likes to write letters demanding things), finishing the novel I was reading, played quite a few games of free cell, and I check the weather channel compulsively hoping it will rain just to have something interesting happen.  It looks like it is getting cloudy outside.  Maybe I’ll get lucky. 

I also spend a lot of time searching the internet for south carolina bar exam questions. 

Yesterday I watched batman begins in the morning, studied, then went and saw the dark knight with my dad.  It was really good.  I find stories to be such a great escape. 

I’m in my parents cottage, which was inhabited by a renter until about about a month ago, when she got married and moved out.  It has a window unit air conditioner which is blowing on my neck right now and about to drive me nuts. 

And the worst part?  I know what would make me feel better.  I would feel better if I would just focus and get though a lot more material.  All the procrastination just makes me feel worse, but for some reason it is paralyzing. 

Look at that, it is raining.  Yay. I don’t know why that makes me feel better but it does. 

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