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Frosty Update

So I’ve told y’all about Donald, my handy-man.  He has single handedly remodeled my house for me. 

Donald was installing some light fixtures for me the other day, and he was telling me about how he had to go home and baby sit his aunt.  Apparently she’s real old and doesn’t know what is going on very well anymore (Donald’s words were a little less PC). 

Donald:   “She’s a moron.  Seriously, she doesn’t know what’s going on.  And you have to get her a frosty every day.”

Me:  “Really?  Does she have a frosty card?  How big does the frosty need to be?”

Donald:  ” What’s a frosty card?  She doesn’t care what size it is, you just have to get her one every single damn day.”

Me:  “She totally needs a frosty card!  You get a free frosty!  Whenever!  You don’t even have to buy anything!” (I picked my keys up to show him my frosty card)

Donald  (with a suspicious look) “How much does that card cost?”

Me:  “A dollar.”

Donald:  “Can you buy one for someone else?”

Me:  “Far as I know, it’s a fundraiser!”

Donald:  “I’ll have to look into that.”

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I like to sit on my front porch after work with a beer and watch people.  Our street gets a surprising amount of foot traffic.  Briscoe thinks this is awesome.  I really like my neighborhood, even if we have a vague suspicion that one neighbor is a drug dealer.  They get a lot of visitors who only stay for 10-15 minutes.  We’ve starting writing down license plates so we can document how many times certain cars come by.  On Saturday night there were 10-15 cars that stopped by for short periods of time.  Our neighborhood watch signs have been improved by some of the hooligans with extra signs that say – WE BE SNITCHIN’.   We just want to live up to their expectations. 

I have finally hung my diplomas on the walls at my office, and added some pretty artwork that makes me happy, and my office is finally starting to look like MY OFFICE.  Which is good, since I’ve been there for an entire year.  Isn’t that crazy?

This week last year, I took the South Carolina Bar.  Then I went to Charleston and we went to the Amos Lee concert.  I can’t believe that was a whole year ago.  It seems like two months ago.  Sometimes it frightens me how quickly time passes.  And sometimes it frightens me how long a day (or a night especially) can lasts. 

I like to look back at what I was strung out about today, a year ago.  And what I was excited about, and who had me all in a swivet.  Often, it’s extremely difficult to remember.  What I find even more interesting than my difficulty to recall, is how quickly things change.  How I can look back and think, Man, that drove me crazy for months, but then one day, something else happened, and all those months of worry disappeared and it was almost like they never happened.  It’s such a weird thing to observe from a year out.  Of course, most events that cause such a change come with their own set of worries and disasters, but for right now, I’m just reveling in the fluid quality of life and how you should enjoy today and not let your worries get you down because for all you know, it could be 100 times better or a 100 times worst tomorrow, and either way, today is to be enjoyed.

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This has been a very interesting week.  In some ways, I have finally been able to settle back down into a schedule and get my life together.  There is still a lot of stuff that needs to be done at my house, but my second roommate Erin is moving in this weekend, and this is pushing me to get a lot of things sorted out now.  There is always something else that needs fixing.  Luckily, I have some really awesome people in my life.   

Last week I mentioned to Justin that I needed to borrow his lawnmower to cut my grass.  Brice let me borrow his lawnmower last time, but the Wright family was out of town and my lawn was really starting to thrive.  When I came home from work on Thursday, sweet Justin was at my house and had just finished mowing the lawn and edging and was about to roundup the walkway.  It was super, super nice of him. 

The rest of this story is pretty funny, so try to stay with me.  Libby was in town, so we went to the Thirsty Thursday baseball game and ended up coming back and sitting on the front porch for a little while before going to sleep.  Libby slept in the guest room downstairs, and was driving her dad’s car.  Libby would have normally stayed at her parents house, but she wanted to wake up and do P90X with Sara and Kirby on Friday morning at the crack of dawn (because they are XTREME) and Bryan’s flight got into the airport at like 8. 

Natalie was out on a narcotics raid in Harrisburg (I know that sounds hilarious, but she’s an ADA, and anyway, apparently it’s really fun to go on narcotic raids), so she didn’t get home until after we went to sleep.  I guess I had neglected to tell her that Libby might spend the night.  So I wake up in the morning and I have a text from natalie from 1 am that says, THERE IS SOMEONE IN OUR HOUSE.  And then by the time Natalie woke up on friday, Libby was already gone.  I felt really bad that I might have scared Natalie, but she swears she wasn’t freaked out, and once she saw libby’s toothbrush in the bathroom she figured it was okay. 

Ultimately the weirdest thing that has happened this week is that it has been cool outside.  Last night we went to dinner after tennis, and we left dinner, we were all cold.  Granted, we all had on our ridiculous looking tennis outfits, but still.  In Augusta, in July, you should be able to be in a bathing suit at any hour of the night and day and not be cold.  A wet bathing suit at that.  Normally it’s 90 degrees at midnight.  Recently, it hasn’t reached 90 degrees at 3 pm. 

Speaking of tennis, I’ve decided one of my favorite things about tennis is the fact that you get to wear ridiculous outfits that would be inappropriate anywhere else but are totally appropriate on the tennis court.  It is amazing how much I enjoy wearing tennis skirts.  My tennis shoes are a little clunky, but what can you do. 

The biggest problem of my life right now is that I can’t get up in the morning.  I would happily go to sleep at 9:30 at night if it meant I could wake up refreshed at 6:30.  But I can’t go to sleep at 9:30.  My body won’t let me.  And forget getting up at 6:30, I can barely drag myself out of bed at 7:30.  I  don’t lack will power in any other part of my life, I have a good bit of self control, and I work hard at life.  But I CAN NOT GET OUT OF BED.  It is a real problem.  My body wants to sleep from 2 am to 10 am, and not from 11 to 7.  Sigh.  Oh well.  I think I’ve been working out too late at night. 

Briscoe got her hair all shaved off last week, and she looks like a little lamb.  She also looks kind of fat.  It’s impossible to tell when she has long hair, but when she gets her hair all cut off, she seems to become a little self conscious of her figure.  Natalie made up a new song for Briscoe’s hair cut.  It goes something like this –

Bobby had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb, Bobby had a little lamb who’s puffy, fluffy and white!

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There is a tremendous weed growing out of a storm gutter on the street I drive down every morning.  I’ve been watching it grow for about a month now, and it’s about 5* feet tall at this point.  Every time we get a good soaking rain, I can almost see it growing.  Part of me has been sort of rooting for this giant weed.  I like the idea of nature taking over in the chinks of the concrete, refusing to let the “progress” of man stomp out the burning desire of a plant to grown big and tall.  But another part of me, a part of me that fights constantly with the nature loving side of me, sees the weed as an enemy. 

And it’s all I can do to not pull over on the side of the road in my heels and get the round up I bought at Lowes two weeks ago and never took out of the back of my car and teach that overgrown invasive species a lesson in chemical warfare. 

My mind is a battle field.

 

* I put 4 feet earlier but then I drove by it again at lunch, and it’s definitely 5 feet tall.

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Is the Palmetto Bug.  A.K.A. The Flying Roach. 

I can deal with a whole lot of things, and flying roaches are not on that list.  They make me die a little inside every time one gets close to me.  Which is unfortunate, since I come in close contact with them on a regular basis these days.  I have the Orkin man on speed dial and he told me today that it was a battle we were going to have to fight together.  They live outside, these are not the sort of roaches that inhabit the inside of your walls.  These are the kind of roaches who might fly off with your dog if you leave her in the backyard for too long. 

Although, I do have to say that these roaches have nothing on this sucker that lives in maggie’s parents pond.  I swear to the heat of the South Georgia summer that thing in the water is a giant catfish.  Who Maggie swears wants to eat her dog. 

This train of thought is going to spin off in two different directions – one – animals around here that want to eat your dog – over in Aiken they have collected 7 monster pythons – man-eating pythons as they are called – and placed them in a big pit to see how they survive.  Sweet.  This sounds like a HORRIBLE experiment.  Apparently a bunch of pet shops carried these man eating pythons in Florida back in the ’90s and a lot of the snakes escaped in the destruction of Hurricane Andrew.   (side note – Florida is like another country.  When you enter Florida on I-95 the big trucks have to go through a customs like check point.  How weird is that?)

A direct quote from the article –

While pythons don’t make a habit of attacking people and most aren’t large enough to eat a person, Gibbons called the possibility a “nightmare.”

“What about the first kitty cat they eat? Or the first little poodle? They’d love poodles, I imagine,” he said.

Mike Dorcas, a professor at Davidson College in North Carolina, has sliced open pythons in Florida to find the remains of white-tailed deer, bobcats and large birds.

Then this last part – 

Pythons are masters of disguise — slippery and quick — and all but one of the serpents was invisible within minutes of being deposited into the pit.

So counting pythons in the wild is a daunting task. Scientists don’t have an accurate estimate of how many pythons are in Florida.

“It’s certainly in the thousands, or tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands,” said Gibbons. 

The other train of thought is the safety of the fish you catch in the Central Savannah River Area.  I thought it was interesting that the parts of the river that do have advisories say – one meal per week.  Is that one fish per week?  Because, my meal is not the same as some other people’s meal.  Some people could eat four fish. 

So, we do a lot of quiet title actions around here, which is how you clear title to a piece of property that has been sold at a sheriff’s sale when the property taxes haven’t been paid.  Although quiet title actions do not normally involve any particularly complicated legal principles, the difficulty lies in finding all the people who have ever had a claim of title to the property and serving them, which often time includes adjacent land owners or the heirs of an estate.  Which means I spend a lot of time trying to find people and figuring out how to serve them in Jamaica, New York, or Erie, Indiana, or, as the case was today – Denver, Colorado. 

The process server I found in Denver is a fleet of bike couriers.  How cool is that?  This time my petition to quiet title is going to be delivered by bike!  This really made my day.  And the guy I talked to on the phone was so nice and friendly and it made me really wish I was in Colorado.  I got really Colorado Home Sick.  Or maybe I’m just, IT IS REALLY HOT HERE SICK. 

Last night at tennis clinic I got to play singles with Jane.  AGGHH.  I LOVE singles.  I love singles so much more than doubles.  In doubles I feel like I’m in the way, or the wrong place, or I should have made that shot because I’m letting my partner down.  In singles, I know where I’m suppose to be the whole time.  Maybe I’m not always there, but the knowing is much more instinctive.  It’s been so much fun getting back into a sport.  I haven’t played a game in a really long time and I didn’t even know how much I missed it. 

Briscoe has been sleeping in the new big bed with me recently and every morning I wake up I feel the need to grab her toe and sing to her about catching a tiger by the toe.  She fails to see the humor and normally either tries to bite me or kick me.

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1.  Call Bloomingdales from work to order lingere for bachelorette party.  Try to be quiet as you ask for Hanky Panky Low Rise Thong.  When the girl ask you if you want the ones with lace all over or not, try to ignore that your boss just walked in the room and is looking at you like you are crazy. 

2.  Call Clerk’s office in Florida.  As soon as clerk picks up the phone, scream bloody murder because the wasp that has been buzzing around your office all day that you thought your boss killed with a broom earlier has crawled up onto your desk and across your mouse and onto your hand. 

3.  Stop to talk to your neighbor after running a few miles in the heat.  Stand there, with blank look on your face and try not to be concerned that you have no idea what you just said but you are pretty sure the neighbor thinks it is strange that you are still in their driveway.  Wander off. 

4.  After you have attended a tennis clinic for three weeks, and spent the entire third week clinic hitting with the instructor, call him by the wrong name in a loud voice in front of the whole class.  Thanks Nick!  (CHARLSIE!  HIS NAME IS RICK!  NOT NICK!  AGGHH IDIOT). 

5.  When the mother of the groom comes to retrieve him from the bar at 2 am on Friday night after the rehearsal dinner, hop on in the car with him and try to be supportive of his demands to go to Krystal.  When you find rubble where the neighborhood Krystal USED to be (torn down for renovations – literally, levelled), find the next closest Krystal with Google maps and place the order while hanging out of the back window of his mother’s car.  Try to keep the car clean by taking the remaining chiks and cheese krystals that remain in the bag into your house when they drop you off first.   

6.  Send the runner on errands such as 1.   Pick up Briscoe’s flea medicine from vet 2.  Get jewelry cleaned  3.  Pick up Blizzard (small, peanut butter cup).

7.  Neglect your dry cleaning long enough to where you have to pick it up on the way to work in order to have anything suitable to wear that day. 

8.  Wage war on the dandilions in your yard.  Dig the roots up with a shovel if necessary  (my dad saw me trying to get the whole root of this dandilion the other day and told me to stop being weird.  I told him to leave me alone and let me be weird in my own backyard – he told me not to act like that in my front yard).

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Y’all would not believe the weather around here (unless of course you live here and have been experiencing it with me).  It has been COLD this week.  COLD!  In MAY!   The May I was in Grand Lake it snowed half a foot on May 23, and I literally thought I was going to die.  I love snow, it’s really neat.  But I was living in a shack/cabin in the middle of the woods at 9,000 feet, and my hot water didn’t work.  The fact that it was snowing outside made this experience a little more “complete”, but not a lot more enjoyable.  My alarm clock had a thermometer on it, and I would wake up in the morning to a frozen nose, look at the little digital face and read – 39 degrees, realize I had to get out from underneath the covers and take a cold shower, and sort of want to cry.  But the view was sort of worth it.  Eventually they fixed my hot water and the snow melted and the temperature rose above 50 degrees in the daylight hours.  But not before I got lost on a ten mile hike in the snow in the dark with people I barely knew.  Ahh, memories.  I was so trusting back then.  Wanna go on a hike in the woods in the gathering dark with us?  Sure it’s starting to snow, but, it will be fine!  Don’t be a wuss Georgia. 

But anyway, May is suppose to mean HOT.  And I can’t talk about being in Colorado all summer because having a real job makes that sort of thing a lot more difficult. 

I was so productive on Sunday, got my life together for the week, laundry, grocery, cooked some food, cleaned my house, went to the movies.  Natalie and Bucket moved in!  Hooray!

Then Monday night I discovered that the large bottle of Palmolive under my sink had been turned over and spilled.  I pulled everything from under the sink and cleaned it all up.  Soap is surprisingly difficult to clean up.  Well, I didn’t get all the soap out from under my finger nails, and I put my finger in my eye, and I got soap ALL IN MY EYE.  AGGGHHHH.  It freaking hurt like the devil.  I flushed my eye with water for what seemed like forever.  Still didn’t get it all.  I HATE flushing my eye out with water.  It hurt almost as much as the soap.  I’m a MORON.  A moron.  Just when I was starting to feel like I had my life together. 

Last night Travers stole some wood from Kate and Trav and we had a little fire in my little fire pit in the back yard.  It was nice, although the wind was gusting (I love the word GUST) and every once in a while you would feel like the fire just might get you.  When Briscoe and I were about to go to sleep last night I kissed her on the nose and realized that all her fur smelled like smoke.  So hilarious.  Bucket’s fur also smelled like smoke.  I’m going to start calling them Smokey and the Bandit.  Their current alter egos are Biscuit and Bobby, to which they are starting to respond. 

I had a magistrate court trial yesterday, and although I think I got my point across well, I laid in bed last night and thought of all the small procedural mistakes I made.  The defendant was pro se, and I almost felt like how when you play a sport against someone who sucks – like tennis – you play like crap, but if you play against someone better than you – you play up to their level.  I feel like I played down to this guy’s level.  Hopefully I’m learning. 

I was driving my car at lunch and I was for some reason dumb struck by how cool driving a car is.  You’ve got this wheel, and you can spin it around, and when you spin it around, the ENTIRE SUPER HEAVY car moves.  At the flick of your wrist.  How cool is that?  It’s amazing how I drive a car every day and never think about how awesome driving can be. 

I made Kate (the runner) cupcakes last night because it is her birthday.  And I BURNED them.  I’m so embarrassed and horrified.  I really never burn things.  Ever.  Not baked goods at least.  I guess I haven’t ever baked in my new gas oven before.  It was really hard.  I’m concerned.  Not only did they burn, it was just the bottom of them.  Ugh.  I’m going to have to practice practice practice and get better before Christmas rolls around.  Britt’s mom has promised to teach me how to make cinnamon buns this Christmas, btw.    

It has been such a pretty day.  I hope it doesn’t cloud up before I can go home!  I want to go play outside.

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I love summer.  Now, instead of having Kate (the runner, not my mom) bring us starbucks treats in the afternoon, she brings us Sonic slushies!   I like grape slushies.   I don’t drink caffeine in the afternoon and I drink a lot of coffee in the morning so a slushy is infinitely better than starbucks.  Plus it’s happy hour at sonic so it’s basically free. 

I love the way a charcoal grill smells.  Love. 

I don’t like the way bug spray smells when you aren’t outside anymore.  Speaking of, sometimes I feel like that kid at camp who is super high maintenance.  I can’t go into the sun without sunscreen or I burn like an infant in Cancun, I can’t go outside these days without being DESTROYED by mosquitos unless I put on bug spray (btw, I like this kind – the dry spray for when I’m at home and the little toilettes to keep in my pocketbook for weddings and other outdoor events). 

Briscoe went to the vet today to have her shots updated so she can get her hair cut tomorrow.  She’s really hot, but the dog salon requires kennel cough.  I’m excited about taking my big fuzzy bear animal in the morning and getting back a shorn lamb tomorrow afternoon! 

Maggie is getting married the weekend!  It is going to be lots of fun.  Now I just have to make it through another day of work and try really hard to pay attention.  Focus.

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Sunshine Daydreams

This weather is killing me.  Slowly.  My soul dies a little for every hour I have to be inside.  I can see the trees and the puffy clouds through my pollen coated window.  I think about my new little backyard and the new little plants I bought at lowes the other day.  They have been calling my cell phone all day long and sending me text messages about how it is killing them to not be permanently planted.  They want me to come home RIGHT.NOW and finish what I started. 

 I’d really like to have an old bathtub to use as a planter.  That way I don’t have to worry about Briscoe trying to eat the jalapeno plant I bought.  Donald is suppose to be keeping his eyes open for one.  Maybe it will be there when I get home!  Donald made me a list of things I need for the house on the back of a KoolMenthal carton box.  I’ve been carrying it around in my pocketbook and it almost fell out in court today, which made me laugh. 

I can’t remember a time when I’ve ever had spring fever this bad.  This might be due to the fact that I’ve never had a real job in April before.  The real world is for the birds.  That being said, I do love my job and it is nice to feel (somewhat) financially secure. 

That being said, every day I’m amazed at how weird my job can be.  I spent an hour this morning respectfully but forcefully disagreeing with someone.  I told them all the reasons why they are wrong.  Then I shut up and didn’t interrupt while they told me all the reasons why I was wrong.  Then I told them my reasons again, then they told me their reasons.  Then we pointed at some documents and underlined some numbers and asked a few pointed questions and then I told them all the reasons they were wrong and then let them point out all the reasons I was wrong one more time.  Then you say – okay, well how are we going to fix this, what are you offering, blah blah blah, and you come to an agreement that no one is happy with and you discuss emails and addresses and checks are written and people grumble.  But as you are walking out of the door, you ask about the other person’s family, and their life and how business is going and you slap each other on the back or shake hands and act like you haven’t just been fighting for the past hour.   

It’s weird.  I’m so glad tomorrow is Friday.

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My parents yard is on the Sacred Heart Garden Festival this weekend.  hg

 

I wish I had a better picture of the yard, but I like this picture of Bo and Bella.  I just stopped by there and let me just say it was very hard to leave.  It’s a beautiful day, it is suppose to be a beautiful weekend, and if you are in the area, you should go check it out!

Also, I am totally obsessed with this new blog from Maira Kalman.  I have a copy of The Elements of Style that she illustrated and I love it.

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