the thin line between optimism and delusion…

When I last left you, it was to go do my homework. Well, let me tell you about how that hasn’t happened yet. The night I last blogged, I went upstairs and went to sleep. Yesterday, after class (which for the the record I have a really hard time staying awake for, since it from 1 am to 4am EST. But the coffee at the hotel is great, and I try really hard to get up early enough to drink a lot of it before class, and to eat spectacular apple pie strudel things and toast (I love things for breakfast that are totally inappropriate, like apple pie, chocolate cake, lasagna, etc).

I have been able to diligently blog because there are computers in my hotel, and the internet cards are much cheaper than phones, plus, I can’t figure out how to work the damn phones. I really love my hotel, I really don’t ever need to leave. On the first floor they feed me breakfast and dinner, on the second floor we have our classrooms, the computers, an inside pool, ping pong, and an excellent little store that has everything from english paper back novels to adapters, including cokes and water and chocolate at bargain prices for a hotel. The one thing I can’t find in this joint is a phone that I can operate.

Yesterday after class a group of us went to a place called Anthony Quinn Bay, where the Guns of Navarone was filmed. It is basically two coves that back up to each other on the mediterranean side of the island (as opposed to the aegean), and they are really rocky. We climbed up a bunch of the rocks, it was really pretty, I gashed my toe open on one of them. Actually, it is a stretch to call them rocks. they were more like daggers sticking up at lots of different angles. or maybe steak knives. Good thing I came prepared with band aids. Two of the boys we were with bought masks and snorkels, and we traded off swimming. This worked really well because it was so cold, you couldn’t stay in the water for very long. and the masks sucked. But the water was so beautiful, and so salty you just kinda float. I think I got dehydrated from the salt and the wind. A couple of other kids with us climbed up some of the cliffs in the cove, and I guess they are sort of stupid, or I guess what is more likely the case since they are in law school is that they don’t get out much, but they didn’t wear their shirts while hiking around, and they weren’t on a trail, and all the plants are of the cactus type, and they were all bleeding by the end of it. That, and they couldn’t get back down off the cliffs. The goats didn’t seem to have a problem climbing down, I think they boys were being wimps. Oh yeah, did I mention that there are goats everywhere? Goats and germans. The goats are really cute, cuter than the germans, especially the men in bikinis. Two kids rented a car yesterday and hit a goat with it by accident. They claim the goat was almost as big as the car. I bet they don’t get out much either.

Last night we went to Karoke at the bar on the roof of the hotel, which was really boring. Then we went to bar street and went to the Colorado Bar, which is like 6 different bars all in one, and was really cool, but once again rather cancunish. They had a cover band that played mostly 80s, but half the people in the band looked like widespread, and the other half looked like ace of base. The lead singer had a key on the zipper of his pants and kept asking who wanted the key to heaven. I think that is going to be my last trip to bar street for a while, I want to explore old town. When we got home, Kallie and I talked about boys till we both passed out around 4. Needless to say, I didn’t feel so great this morning.

I think admiralty law is really cool, I’m enjoying how it seems to bring everything together, like contracts and civil procedure especially, but a lot of property and torts, plus it is really heavy in the risk management and insurance forum, so I’m not totally lost. And our classes aren’t that big, so we have the opportunity to talk, which you know I love.

Kallie and I decided that some of the boys on this trip aren’t very nice. Most of them are awesome, but some of them talk down to us like we are stupid and we don’t really appreciate that. Alex is my other new best friend. She is super awesome. Alex, Kallie and I can sit around and start talking, and never stop. Really, I think we could talk for years. YEARS! it is awesome. This kid from las vegas (little dweeby) went to lunch with us today and told us that we sounded like a live, female seinfeld episode. We were flattered, but once again, I am going to assume that he doesn’t get out much more than the other law kids.

Kallie and I are planning an elaborate island hopping excursion. It is going to be awesome, and we are going to go to Ephesas, which I am very pumped about. We have an exceptional travel agent. We can see the mountains of Turkey from our balcony, and today was the clearest day so far, and we can see the detail of the mountains. It is really, really, really, pretty.

Well, I want you to all know that I am eating a paprika pringle in honor of each of you, tomorrow I might eat a paprika ruffles chip for each of you, as I think I like those better. We are going on a trip to another island with the group. Okay, the mosqitoes are biting, I am going to go get ready for dinner. I love and miss you all as I love and miss Zaxbys!! (which is a lot)(even though I got to eat at Alex’s fast and tasty today for lunch!!!!).

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I keep forgetting to do this, and it makes me sad when I don’t, so here it is…..

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Okay, here is what is going on. Everyone here thinks I am scandinavian and young looking, to the point that we were invited on a scandinavian pub crawl, and ended up being the only people in the group that weren’t from Sweden, except two kids from Finland. Also, they didn’t seem to want our law school friends to come, it was kinda weird (they came anyway). Swedish people are very attractive and all look the same. I mean, really, all look like they are related. And I think that most of the kids on the pub crawl were in high school. think cancun, senior trip, and this is what we were in the middle of last night. body shots, alcohol games involving people taking their clothes off and dancing on the bar, etc. We told them that we weren’t going to participate because we were american, and americans didn’t act like that (ha). But Swedish people follow the rules, all left bar when they were suppose to and followed the group. Americans are less good at following the rules. So, other than the swedish high school graduation party that we went to, we have been meeting all the tulane kids. It is really fun, I like the people.

I like my classes, I’m only taking 3, I was going to take 4, but I dropped one because it was late and I thought it was boring. I am in love with one of my professors. he is australian. I think I really like admiralty law, it is really interesting and different, it is nice to take a class on something that you really don’t have a clue about.

Kallie is my roommate, and current new best friend. I love her, we have so much in common, she was a theta, and we really think the same. We bought blow up floats to lay on out on our balcony because the beach is super windy and the sand blows on you, plus you have to pay for the chair, and you have to pay for the chair at the pool, and it is crowded. But our balcony is really beautiful, and our room is enormous. My adapter hasn’t blown up any of my electronic devices so far.

Lets talk a bit about the food.
1. I am going to gain a great deal of weight if I continue on my present course, because I can’t stop eating.
2. I LOVE gyros. we have discovered this little take out place, called Alex’s fast ‘n tasty, and it is so good, i’m planning on eating there on a very regular basis. They put french fries in the gyros, I am so full right now, but my mouth waters just thinking about it, I can’t wait for lunch tomorrow.
3. I LOVE greek salads, and we eat them at every meal. basically lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers (everything has cucumbers in it), feta, and olive oil.
4. Because we are in a tourist area, all the little stores have lots of snacks, lots of cookies, candy, etc. to chose from.
5. Our hotel has excellent meals, for what we are paying, this is unbelievable. great food, great salad, great breakfast, great dessert, including awesome ice cream. Plus, our waiter, George, is our new best friend. He looks out for us and gives up tips. he speaks 6 languages. We are his favorite.

On another note, we are planning a trip to turkey. It is going to be awesome. I think we are going to have a fairly large group going with us so I’m excited.

Okay, I need to go do my homework (sigh, sniff, tear). Then I need to get some sleep, I didn’t pay any attention in school today, and I don’t want to get lost. I miss you all and I love you and I hope to hear from you all soon!!!

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I’m in Greece!!
Thoughts from the trip over. In the summer time, everyone who is going anywhere is traveling in a group of at least ten, no one is by themselves, and they all think that there group is the only group on the plane and that everyone else should move to allow their group to all sit together. Americans are innately rude, especially in the JFK airport. I’ve never stood in so many lines, or seem so many near miss fistfights over a cup of coffee or a salad. Airplane movies are on average bad, sometimes you get a good one. Actually, normally they are either great movies you have already seen, or terribly awful movies that you never possessed the least desire to see.
Thoughts once I arrived in Greece. Greeks love food. Greeks drive and act a lot like italians, but honestly I think the Greeks are more concerned with food than italians. But that could just be because I am in a touristy area. Europe has great beer. and wine. We will see what Greece has to offer with the way of liquor, but I don’t have terribly high expectations.
So you know how everyone thinks Greece is probably really hot, well, it isn’t right now. The wind blows about 100 miles an hour around my hotel, and the temperature is about 75 at the hottest, around 65 in the evening, 60 in the morning (which is really cold in the wind). But, my hotel is designed for northern europeans, so we have great breakfast of bread, jam, butter, cheese, pancakes!, fresh fruit, excellent orange juice, good coffee, and chocolate. Dinner last night was a buffet of Greek meats, salad, pasta, cheese, etc. I don’t think I am going to starve, especially since there is a market right down from the hotel that has water, wine, BEER, crackers, cookies, etc, anything you would find at the Roo and more. One thing of note, not much bubble water, more no bubble than bubble, which I found surprising. maybe I just don’t know how to read Greek yet.
I have an excellent roommate, she is from San Antonio, went to Baylor undergrad, and just finished her first year at UT law school. I think we are going to be great friends. Okay, I am going to go find some cookies and maybe a coke to tide me over till lunch (I have one more class), after lunch, I might take a siesta, I am very tired……

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Lately, I have been working around the house, and watching movies based on Jane Austin novels on television. Not the old movies, but the new ones, with Gwyneth, Hugh, Ewan, Kate, and Colin. Of course Pride and Prejudice is my favorite, and i haven’t seen that one, but hey, I did watch part of Bridget Jones, which is very reminiscent. I wish I lived in a Jane Austin novel, they always get exciting, and then everything falls apart, and then everything comes together perfectly in the end. And you know it is going to come out perfectly because it is a Jane Austin novel, and they always turn out perfectly. I guess if I was living in the novel, I wouldn’t know that it was all going to work out, so maybe I don’t want to be in the novel. Because I am convinced my own life is going to work out perfectly, so what is the difference.
I am about to go wash my dogs, they are a little distressed. We just got an electric invisible fence, you know, with the shock collars. And we have been working with them for about a week, and they got shocked for the first time today. Bella got kinda stuck, and got shocked for a little longer than we meant for her to, because she wasn’t on a lease like she was suppose to be, and I had to pick her up (I got shocked a little too). Well, i had been a lot more worried about Bo getting shocked, because he is a lot more high strung of a dog, kinda skiddish. Well, Bo recovered from his shock much better than Bella. Bella woudn’t get out of my lap for about a half hour after she got shocked. I’m serious. We had to move the water bowl to her because we knew she was thirsty, but she woudn’t get out of my lap. The only way we finally got her out of my lap was to give Bo a treat, and she wanted one too.
I think Travers is having a party tonight. I think it will be tons of fun, Libby is coming into town, and there are lots of cute boys to play with. And Jennifer is coming into town as well, but I don’t think she is going out tonight, because she has to be at graduation so early in the morning for her little sister. Tomorrow my friend Ike is coming into town, and I am excited, since we haven’t really hung out in about ten years and I think we are going to have tons of fun.
I miss everyone, I love you all, and I hope I will see you all soon. hugs and kisses. XXXXXX OOOOOO

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Hey kids. I am propped up in my bed at 820 Milledge (augusta, not athens), taking advantage of the new wireless internet access that I hooked up for my parents. Really, it wasn’t for my benefit, since my room is the only room in the house perfectly situated to pick up wireless from the next door neighbors.
This has been quite a relaxing week. There are currently no boys in augusta that have to be sought out or avoided, which is awesome. Not that there aren’t lots of boys to see, but the ones that have a tendency to absorb my thoughts are all at least out of the city, most out of the state, and some out of the country, which leads to an atmosphere that could be boring, but is also good for my nerves. Not that I am left wanting for boys, since my brother’s friends provide ample attention and entertainment, but without the high stress and nerves of a crush.
I ate dinner with my married friends last night, Ginny and Robbie. And Ginny and I split a bottle of wine, left over from the wedding (once you open it, you have to drink it all). It is really interesting, all my friends that are in serious relationships, and/or married, really like me to hang out with them. Like Betsy and Nick like to take me on dates. I’m telling you, I’m a professional third wheel. This is not a problem most of the time, but it does have its own pressures. Like when Nick told me that he couldn’t wait to see who I ended up with (I was telling him about some crush). Nick was excited about my future relationship because he was sure that the guy was going to be awesome and lots of fun, which tons to bring to the table. Now, this is a lot of pressure. So when this comment was uttered, I started to think about some of current and past crushes, and how those boys would measure up. If, introduced to Nick, would they be considered lots of fun with tons to bring to the table? And, let me tell you, just because I have a crush on someone, doesn’t mean they have anything to bring to the table. I mean, most of the time I like boys who have good personalities, but sometimes I might just be physically attracted to them. Not that I am going to end up with some boy that doesn’t bring to the table, but, Nick’s words resound. Really, when I think about some of the boys I have entertained, and I think about whether or not Nick would have anything to say to the guy when Betsy and I went to the bathroom, I don’t always think i have very good taste. Of course, my brother is pretty good about pointing out the boys he doesn’t think much about. the pressure continues to mount. Just because I think the guy is great, what if my friends and my family think he sucks?
I don’t think you should let other people’s opinions influence you too much, but at the same time, I hope that my opinion is taken into consideration if Travers is dating someone I don’t think much about.
On another note, I ate dinner tonight at the Pizza Joint, which is definitely on my top three places to eat downtown in augusta, along with sunshine and luigi’s. Pizza Joint is so fun because you feel like you are kinda hidden from the street. And my friend Michael owns the place, and Michael is great, so eating there is fun because he is normally there. It is like having a standing invitation to eat at a friends house, and you are allowed to bring whoever you want, and stay as long as you want. Tonight it was Helen, Rachel, Paige and I. Good times, good weather.
I can’t believe I am going to Greece. I need to get my act together. I miss all my friends that I haven’t seen, mostly anyone who might read this. I miss you all and I love you all. I am coming to the ATL on monday, and will be progressing on to the ATH on tuesday, so, if you love me and you live in these towns, give me a holler.

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I apologize to everyone for not updating for about a week. I think I was suffering from post traumatic stress after our exams. No, really, there was something wrong with me. Friday night was a disaster, and I am confident that I made a fool of myself, but hey, what can you do.
Saturday I went out with Travers and his friends, not because I wanted to go out drinking again, but because they have a tendency to think I am a snob if I don’t go out with them. And since i can’t tolerate being unliked, I sucked it up and went out.
Sunday, my family ate lunch together, and made fun of each other, even though the only thing my mom asked for for mothers day was for no one to make sarcastic comments and to be pleasant during lunch. Well, that didn’t happen. After lunch we had some family bonding and watched the first season of IN LIVING COLOR dvd that I bought my mom for mothers day. That was fun. Then I went to Charleston to meet Jennifer at wild dunes, which was lots of fun. I needed to go somewhere that I didn’t have to talk to anyone and recover from my post traumatic stress.
Got back from Charleston last night, and went out with travers again, and Mary Beth, who is too cute. We had a big time. Before I went out, my mom and i realized that Bo (our lhasa apsa) had eaten a bag of cadbury mini eggs and everyone knows dogs aren’t allowed to eat chocolate, so we had to make him drink some hydrogyn peroxide, and make him sleep outside (he is fine this morning). I can’t find the most recent harry potter book in my house and i want to read it and I am irritated that I can’t find it. maybe it is under my bed….
Don’t think i am going to do the write on. And here are the reasons why.
1. I came to law school with the intent to obtain qualification in a profession that I thought I might enjoy on some level. qualification, not excellence.
2. Law school is something to do for the next two years, something to keep me from having to get a job.
3. I have always prided myself on being a severe under-achiever, and being in law school has made this catagorization of myself harder to maintain, and being on a journal would be even more detrimental to my personal image.
4. I have post traumatic stress from finals and I can’t be expected to think right now. I am handicapped.
5. I will not have the grades to be on anything no matter how hard I try.
6. If my brief was any indication, no journal wants me anyway.
7. There has to come a point when we know our own limitations and not waste our time on fruitless endeavors which, even if we succeed, will bring pleasure only through pride in ones self, and pride is the root of all evils. I would not enjoy being on a journal for the activity, I would enjoy being on a journal because it would make me feel smart and intelligent and like I was winning (very unhealthy).
8. I don’t want to write the stupid paper, I want to sit around and watch television and eat chocolate and drink coke.
9. My dad doesn’t pressure me to do stuff like law review because he doesn’t take my career seriously, but anyway, I would need pressure in order to write this paper.
10. No one is going to hire me anyway, who cares if I am on law review?

If ya’ll can relate, don’t do it. I miss you all and I hope you are having a fantabulous break.

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Okay, I think might be bordering on manic-depressive today. Earlier, when contemplating my civ pro exam with Adam, Justin and Elizabeth, I plunged to the depths of despair, thinking about how I don’t want to repeat next year simply because I couldn’t understand some rules that I will always have the opportunity to look up.
But I talked to Shane and he told me that it was going to get better, and that the hardest part is getting over the pride of not being at the top, and that you just have to remember that you are already at the top and get over the over-achiever’s fear of failure. And he gave me a dollar, which also brightened me up a little bit. But then the vending machine didn’t have Hershey bars, and that sent me spiraling again.
Then, I ran into an undergrad friend who is hoping to get into law school, he is on a waiting list and going to Vail for the summer. I admire his perseverance, I told him that I wouldn’t have gone to law school if I had known how hard it was going to be (if only there had been hershey bars, I would have been much more encouraging). Probably not what he wanted to hear, as soon as I said it, I regretted saying it. I always hated those people who discouraged my dreams, and when they said things like, I wouldn’t have done it if I had known how hard it was going to be, I thought things like, what a wuss, I am made of stronger stuff than that person. Also, it is like the kid with the ice cream cone (or a hershey bar)when you don’t have an ice cream cone and you wish you did who keeps complaining how it keeps dripping and making his hand sticky and that he wished he had gotten another flavor. And I hate that kid. So i felt bad about myself again. But I did tell him that I liked property (he should just be glad he didn’t catch me on tuesday…).
Then I ate lunch in the sunshine, and the sun baking down on me lifted my spirits as I thought about how I wished I had sunglasses, but how it was almost summer. And then Desmond and I discussed our strange guilt in being so excited about, and preplanning our drinking activities tomorrow. I don’t know, there is something guilty about being so excited about drinking unhealthy amounts alcohol, much more so than just having it happen on a random tuesday night. But then we starting talking about how it was all going to be over, and how we were going to be so happy. And then we discussed how beautiful north campus is and how we can’t complain that our occupation places us in such a calming and stately and beautiful place, especially when we have so many beautiful days. Even though the beautiful days are distracting, they are secretly encouraging.
On that note, I ran at the botanical gardens the other day, and let me tell you about how the place has transformed in the past two weeks. It has exploded, it is amazing how quickly it has overgrown after the rain. Running on a trail that i run all the time, and have been running for a year, I almost got lost like three different times. Trees down, on the path, in the river, in the woods. And my friend the snake (the one who scared the bejesus out of me two weeks ago) is still there, in the same place (on the path by the river, in about the middle point between tree path and tree path). After my run on wednesday, the wind was blowing the sun was bright and it was kinda chilly, like in the mountains, and I was overwhelmed by the beauty and the privilege of being exposed to such perfection, and then a car came down the road, and I moved to the side of the road and I ran straight into a sticker bush. And these were big stickers. AND THEY STUCK. In my leg. I had to pull them out one by one and it really hurt. okay, I’m off task.
After Desmond and I discussed the good things about law school, the people we liked, the fact that it has been a very happy year, I got excited and happy. And now I am positively thrilled. This is going to be over so soon. My roommate wants me to meet her in charleston next week at her condo on the beach, and my mom is coming to eat lunch with me tomorrow and my brother is coming tomorrow night to drink with me. Plus, Appel loves me and as such I don’t mind taking his exam because although most people think he is a jerk, he has been nothing but encouraging and friendly to me and I appreciate that. So what do i have to complain about? NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I’m telling you, MANIC-DEPRESSIVE).

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1. Call your Professor by his first name while you are eating lunch with other students. (As in yelling, “Hey Lonnie Brown!” outside between the locker room and the Terry college of business).

2. Sleep late, finally make it to the library around noon.

3. Play on the internet until 2.

4. Eat lunch outside and humiliate self (see 1)

5. Talk to other students about previous final (bad for self esteem)

6. Hang out with second years who have no sympathy and distract you with smoothies that taste funny. (especially when you didn’t need another smoothie, one smoothie a day is enough)

7. Check live journals compulsively

8. Call favorite teacher from high school who you haven’t spoken to since 10th grade.

9. Get just enough work done to realize that you probably could have learned all of the information if you have paid attention 1/4 of the time and had ever done your homework. (this is also bad for morale and self esteem)

10. Daydream about friday night and talk to other students about how much alcohol we are going to consume. We are going to be WASTED. (law students are so suppressed, I think friday could be really dangerous.

11. Answer phone calls from very good looking boy who doesn’t live in town and who only calls sporadically and never wants much except to see what I’m up to and tell me hey. (this is good for self esteem, but bad for concentration, increases daydreams)

12. Check ferry rates and schedules between greek islands. (also distracting and increases daydreams)

13. Hang out with roommate who is about to graduate, who also has an exam tomorrow and doesn’t want to study, and who is moving far away and therefore time is precious and can always justify not studying to chat.

14. Update live journal with inane thoughts.

15. Read blogs of people you don’t know and will never meet.

okay. that is enough for me. I am signing off. I love you all, I miss you all, I miss myself. I’m glad I’m not a crier, because otherwise I might be a puddle of tears. I’ve decided to give this week to God, and if he wants me to be an attorney, he will make it okay as long as I do as much as I can, and I can do more if I believe that I am doing it for God. I am a lily of the field. (good motivation). And if I do good, it is because God wanted me too, not because I am especially talented (don’t want to be insufferably smug – ha, like I’ll ever have those kinds of grades) So, less pressure, more motivation. New Mantra – “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” 2 Timothy 4:7

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I have gotten very little done all day, including the four hour exam I took this morning. But since I am letting my mind wander, I want to express to y’all something I am very excited about. I can’t wait for the new movie TROY to come out next week. I would buy tickets now if I thought I needed to. In addition to my excitement about this super cool movie with super cute actors set in the super cool setting of ancient greece (I’m a bit of a classics geek), I will be departing the continent three weeks from friday and arriving in modern day greece. One Athens to the next. I won’t be staying in athens, but I will be in greece a little over six weeks. And the craziest thing about this trip, is that so much has been going on in the past two months that I haven’t even had a chance to think about going. And I’m not going to have time to think about it until next week. I am really looking forward to blogging this summer and reading everyone else’s blog. That way if people want to know what I’m doing, they can check it out. Wow, six weeks in Europe on two islands in the mediterranean, eight hours of credit, just me, some tulane law students and justice scalia. I bet he will look hot out by the pool, somehow from his picture in our property book that he probably pretty hairy….

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