the thin line between optimism and delusion…

A long awaited picture of the bantam rooster of the controversy. My battery was dying so I didn’t get a picture of the hens, but they weren’t near as cute. He is pretty as far as birds go.  See old Comments | See old Trackbacks

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I don’t have a prank of my own, but this is an old one that Emily found and I think is hilarious. It’s #4 on the top 100 best April Fool’s jokes list. In 1996 the Taco Bell Corporation announced that it had bought the Liberty Bell from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called up the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell is housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed that it was all a practical joke a few hours later. The best line inspired by the affair came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale, and he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold, though to a different corporation, and would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial. See old Comments | See old Trackbacks

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(This is a very old post and I’m not sure why my linking to it made it new again. Originally published in march 2005.)

I finally got a new computer, and I have had a chance to go back through some of my comments, and I came across a comment from Starr regarding my father’s reckless irresponsibility regarding the bantam trio.

If you missed the story originally, here it is. I thought it was rather stupid of my dad, but everyone makes mistakes and I had no idea that it would upset anyone. Apparently I was wrong.

This is what Starr has to say about it: How could you just leave show chickens, in fact, how could you just dump any animal off. That isn’t exactly legal you know. Once you take responsibility for a critter, you are obligated to it. I guess it’s lucky they didn’t think you were too much trouble when you were a young toddler…maybe they could have dumped you at the river. You want to be a lawyer, yet you let your own opinions color your decisions. You hate birds. Tough. It is still wrong to dump an animal off. And if you are any kind of lawyer you know it. It’s a big problem, especially in rural areas. I’m an ol’ farmgirl born and raised and wild dog packs and wild cats terrorizing our livestock was common. Where do you think they came from? People dumping off animals. Sure you just dumped chickens, harmless, right? Wrong! Do you know the sort of bacteria and infectious diseases that chickens can transmit or pick up? Look it up sometime. Young kids and old people are likely to wind up hospitalized or even dead from contact with poltry waste. If those birds “made it” to another flock who knows what they could have transmitted to the other birds. True, maybe nothing happened but you fattening up a fox. Hopefully, it doesn’t decided it likes chicken and go raid some farmer’s chicken coop. This may sound like I’m making a mountain outta an anthill. But being a lawyer in training, you would think that you’d “think” before breaking the law. Unless you want to be one of “those kind” of lawyers. Guess if you don’t “like the look” of a client, you’ll just “let it slide” rather than defend him properly. You may want to think about “why” you want to be a lawyer…it may not be for the right reasons. But then this is a blog, these are my opinions to what you write. Freedom of speech and all that. So you may not like what I say, but then you can ignore it and go on your way. But I hope that you will think next time before you just dump something cause you don’t like it or care either way. Starr | 03.31.05 – 12:21 pm | # 

Now, in the tradition of fairness found in legal practice (according to my evidence teacher) I get a chance to give my side of the argument if I am going to be attacked so. So this is what I have to say to Starr: First of all, I never took responsibility for anything. They weren’t my birds, and I didn’t dump them anywhere. I didn’t buy them, they weren’t entrusted to me, I was never in legal possession of them. In addition, I thought they were a terrible idea, like I said, I don’t like being around birds, the very last thing I would ever do is pay money for a bird. The only reason I was even present for this event is that I like to spend time with my parents when I have the chance, because they are important to me – and I like to think maybe I am important to them, since they didn’t dump me in the river when I was a child. 

My feelings about the birds did not play into the course of events in any fashion other than my refusal to sit near the birds and my refusal to touch them. Like you said, they could have diseases. My presence had zero impact on the situation. Also, the land on which the chickens were “abandoned” is not farmland, it is hunting land on the river that is mostly wetlands and woods with the occasional house and dock on the river. It is directly below Clarks Hill Lake and the entire area is used primarily for timber and recreation. As for abandoning the chickens, my dad did not intend to abandon the chickens. 

He wanted to build them a house and feed them, but he is a little impulsive sometimes and it didn’t occur to him that something might get the chickens before he had a chance to make sure they were safe until it was too late. 

Sure, it was a stupid thing to do, but it was not done maliciously. It isn’t like he bought a litter of kittens and put them in a bag, tied a rock to it and threw it in the river. The only logical part of your argument is the possibility of upsetting the ecosystem of the area by introducing animals that don’t belong. I get that, I understand that it can be a problem, and spreading disease is never a good idea. My dad should have thought about that. But I must reiterate that I had zero control of the situation. Now, everything else in the comment, about how I should think before I break the law, etc., is really a moot point because I didn’t break the law. If you want to argue that my dad broke the law, I think this is something that is up for interpretation. 

I read the South Carolina Code, and I don’t think that my dad abandoned the chickens. Fowl is excluded from a couple of the cruelty to animal sections, but I think the most applicable statute is section 47-1-70 of the South Carolina Code, which is the Abandonment of Animals; penalties; hunting dog exception (and does not exclude fowl). It says: (A) A person may not abandon an animal. As used in this section “abandonment” is defined as deserting, forsaking, or intending to give up absolutely an animal without securing another owner or without providing the necessities of life. The code requires food, water, and shelter from “exposure to the elements or adverse weather” as “necessities of life.” SC ST 47-1-70 (A). 

He fed them, there was plenty of water and although they weren’t given the best shelter, they were afforded temporary shelter by the pump house that my dad opened for the chickens to sleep in until he was able to build them a more appropriate shelter. It isn’t illegal to let chickens roam your property. My dad was really hoping the chickens could live on our property, nothing would have made him happier. Turns out he was wrong. You totally have a right to your opinion that maybe I don’t want to an attorney for the right reasons, but I have a hard time understanding how my behavior in this particular situation is any indication of my reasons for being an attorney. 

I’m not always sure my reasons for wanting to be an attorney, but they have nothing to do with the exciting opportunities to half way defend a client or my uncontrollable desire to discriminate against people because they are different or my strong inclination to break the law. Hell, I don’t have to be an attorney to do any of those things. But I do promise in the future to never purchase a bird and to never abandon it. I would never have an animal for which I couldn’t provide adequate care. This is why I don’t have a dog. I would love to have a dog. But you know what? Right now I couldn’ttake care of a dog. So I don’t have one. If it will make you feel any better I can lay down and you can kick me. Sincerely – Charlsie See old Comments | See old Trackbacks

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The Responsibility Police are hot on the trail of Laura Krishna. I’m serious, this story left me speechless. On one hand, how could this girl be sooo stupid. Why would you put your academic future in the hands of some idiot that you don’t know at all. Not only put your academic future in their hands, but pay them money for the opportunity to make you look like an idiot. Five pages is not much to write, give me a break, It couldn’t take more than a couple of hours. She would have done a lot better to have simply gotten a zero on the assignment. I’ve never understood the time and energy, not to mention the money and the risk, that some people go to in order to not have to write a simple paper. You just really have to wonder. That being said, I am a little shocked by the trouble the guy went to in order to make sure she got caught. It is sort of funny, but I just wonder where this motivation comes from. I have a moral objection to tattling that nags me, even when I am in a position of authority. I feel very strongly against cheating and plagiarism – and I can’t imagine doing it myself (I’m entirely too paranoid, hard on myself, and compulsively honest, added to the fact that I have an amazing aversion to getting in trouble. I don’t like it, I was always in trouble as a child, being ADHD made me a target and my behavior deserved reprimand I’m sure, but nothing upsets me more than being reprimanded by authority) – but these feelings are coupled with just as strong an aversion to being a snitch. I can control myself, and I don’t want to be the judge or the controller of others. But I don’t feel that bad for people that act really, really, really irresponsible and stupid. Can you hear the sirens? (complements of Pete) See old Comments | See old Trackbacks

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This is something that happens too often. I have a close friend who has had to deal with a situation that arose from ridiculous loopholes and bad advice. Having been arrest myself long ago, I have a serious aversion to cops. When I was arrested I was dead sober, it was 5:15 on a Saturday afternoon, and I was pulled over for failure to maintain lane. Okay, maybe I will just tell the story……this is a long one, but it is interesting, involves strip searching and a lot of lawsuits.

About two weeks before I started my sophomore year of college, I got a new car (or, at least it was new to me). I, of course, lost no time in putting my sorority stickers of my car, mostly because I am dork. A few weeks into school, I was suppose to go to the freshman pledge retreat at Lake Lanier. My parents knew I was going on the retreat. But a couple of hours before we were suppose to leave, two of my pledge sisters convinced me that there were going to be too many people at the retreat, and that we ought to go meet some of our guy friends up at Lake Burton. Hmmmm……boys…….difficult decisions.

Clearly I decided to go to Lake Burton. Bonnie and Erin and I ran around town getting together the things we needed for the trip, beer, coolers, food, etc, while Elizabeth finished with her study group. Well, Elizabeth’s study group took forever, and Bonnie, Erin and I ended up sitting in the car waiting for Elizabeth for about 45 minutes. We are of course in my car, because I am obsessed with my new car. While we were waiting, Bonnie and Erin drank a beer. Erin doesn’t even like beer, but we were trying to teach her. While sitting there I think to call my parents and tell them my change in plans.

Once Elizabeth gets in the car, we tear out of town. On the way out of town we stop by Wendy’s and get Elizabeth some food and called the boys to tell them we were on our way and get directions. My parent’s have a house in Rabun county, not far from Lake Burton, and we should have just gone the way I know how to go. But instead we followed the directions of the boys, which takes us through some small towns. About halfway (the drive is about an hour and a half), we drove through Clarksville, in Habersham County. And somehow we got lost in Clarkesville and had to turn around in the Ingles parking lot. This proved to be a fatal mistake.

Not three minutes after we pulled out of the Ingles parking lot, a cop was behind me, flashing his lights. Note the time, about 5:15 pm. I pull over, and yell at the other girls to put their beer away. I roll down the window, and ask the officer what I did wrong. He tells me I went over the white line three times. Keep in mind I haven’t been on the road for more than three minutes and I am in the mountains, where the roads are curvy. He asks for my drivers license, and as I pull out my drivers license, my fake ID falls out. Now, it wasn’t actually a fake drivers license, it just wasn’t mine. Ol’ Copper doesn’t think much of this and makes me get out of the car and calls for backup. BACKUP!!! Are you serious? He asks me if he can search my "vehicle," which I probably should have refused, but I didn’t, I panicked.

Well, Roscoe gives me a breathalyzer. I haven’t had anything to drink and obviously don’t blow anything. Then he makes all the other girls get out and blow. They do of course blow something. At this point, two other Roscoes have shown up. All three of them go through my car. They basically took the thing apart. They went through my CDs. They went through all of our pocketbooks. They found about 10 fake id’s between the four of us. They took away our beer. They made us sit on the side of the road on the grass while all this is going on. I am starting to get mad, instead of scared.

What happens next is just unbelievable. After the Roscoes get tired of molesting my car, they HANDCUFF us all. They put my three friends in the back of one car, and drive off with them. They put me in the backseat of another car by myself.

Now, we were going to the lake, and this is very late august, early september in Georgia. It is very hot outside. I had on a tank top, plastic shorts, and flip flops. And I was very grossed out by having the sit in the back of this dirty cop car without air conditioning, waiting for my new car to be towed away. I start to get angry. I’m not scared, I’m not upset, I’m mad. Finally, two Roscoes get in the front, and tell me that the tow truck is on its way. While the three of us sit in the car, I can’t stand it anymore:

Me: "Hey, can I ask you a question?"
Roscoes: "Sure, honey."
Me: "Did you pull me over because I drive an SUV and have sorority stickers on my car?"
Roscoes: "Honey, we pulled you over because you were swerving."
Me: "Right." (it is all I can do not to scream: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY BEER! I BETTER GET MY COOLERS BACK! MY MOTHER WILL BE TICKED IF YOU STEAL HER COOLER!)

Once my car is towed away by the oldest person I have ever seen, the Roscoes and I took the scenic route to Detention Drive. By now it is probably about 6:30. The officers start to tell me about how they are going to turn me over to the police at the jail.

When we arrive at the jail, it is like stepping back fifteen years in time. The female officer, Bangs, has peroxide wavy hair with bangs teased up to their full potential, with black roots. She was a larger women. The two male officers look malnutrition and inbreed. White Zombie is blaring from the boombox behind the desk. I am honestly so angry at this point in time that I don’t realize what is going on, although I do see my coolers in the hallway. My anger was at a point that I was unaware of the situation and kept me from losing it. Before I know it, Bangs has taken me into a small room with windows. She looks me up and down, and the unrealness of the situation really takes hold with this:

Bangs: "Waell, you don’t really have enough clothes on for me to bother strip searching you, so we’ll just stand around in here for a little while and pretend like I stripped you.
Me (speechless, confused beyond understanding, completely lost): "Huh?"

I start to get claustrophobic. Luckily, Bangs decided that we had been in there long enough, takes me out of the strip search room, and into the holding cell, where I find my friends.

In the holding cell, my friends are all quite upset, for different reasons. Bonnie had gotten into a little trouble with some late night swimming at town club a couple months before, and Elizabeth had gotten a minor in possession freshman year. They were both concerned with this being a second offense. Erin had never been in trouble in her life and as such did not understand what she was doing in jail.

Turns out that I had gotten the best end of the strip searching deal. Bangs had made Bonnie take her shirt off, and made Erin take her jeans off, and Elizabeth layed on the ground and screamed and refused, so Bangs backed off. If you thought I was mad before that, I was incensed at this point.

Not long after I was reunited with my friends, I realized that the White Zombie had stopped, and that it had gotten quite outside. I looked out the peephole, confused. Then I realized that the officers had gone to dinner. It was about 7:15 at this time. I thought my head was going to explode. Being angry wears you out. Feeling depressed, abandoned, violated, and wronged, the four of us sat for two miserable hours before anyone ever came back.

Around 9:30, they let Elizabeth out, to book her and to let her make a phone call. Not wanting to call her parents, Elizabeth called her brother (who also told downtown athens, everyone knew we were in jail before we even got out). Her brother called my brother. My brother called my parents. While this was going on, I had been let out after Elizabeth to make my phone call.

Travers: "Have you talked to Charlsie?"
Mama: "No, is she okay?"
Travers: "Well, I don’t want to get her in trouble….But I think she is jail.

(the phone clicks in with my phone call from jail. When you call from jail, you can’t use the normal collect calling programs, the only button that works is zero, and you use the jail collect call service. If you have ever received a collect call from jail, you know what it says).

Mama: "Hang on."
Operator: "You have a collect call from – Charlsie – an inmate at a correction institution."
Mama: "Let me get your father." (words no one wants to hear).

I was charged with allowing another to violate the law, failure to maintain lane, and minor in possession. The other girls were charged with minor in possession and open container. Allowing another to violate the law is a $1,700 fine. Did you know that was a charge?

Turns out, the Roscoes had towed my car about thirty miles away, and even if my dad bailed us all out (which he did), we wouldn’t have a way to get back to my car. My parents live about three hours away from Habersham county, and the other girls parents lived even farther away.
The boys we were suppose to meet at the lake had become concerned when we didn’t show up. They started calling hospitals, convinced that we had been in a wreck, since we didn’t answer our cell phones. The Habersham county hospital was happy to tell them that we were in jail.

In the end, Will and John Scott came and picked us up from jail in Habersham county and took us to my car. To this day, they are my heroes (and my dad for bailing us all out). One of the malnutrition officers did hit on me once I was released, told me he would be in athens next semester for training, and would love to meet up. I had a resurgence of anger.

My car was at a junk yard off 441, and we had to pay to get it back of course. But the worst part was that when we opened the door to the car, there were two junk yard cats in the back seat chewing up the Wendy’s bag from lunch. How did the cats get in the car? Oh, because the Roscoes didn’t roll up the window from when I rolled it down when they first pulled me over. Cool.

This story does have a happy ending. Erin’s mom called the DA in Habersham and told him how we had been mistreated, and the DA dropped all charges and wanted us to press charges again the police department. We didn’t, because the other girls wanted to move on, and we were breaking the law, but my dad did get his bail money back. The Habersham police department has a habit of arresting people and strip searching them for fun. And failure to maintain lane is a great way to pull people over.

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Things I learned in the March edition of Cosmo that aren’t too trashy to post.

1. Single women crave kisses from men whose breath smells like peppermint. The majority of single men want to lock lips with a chick whose breath smells of – shocker! – alcohol.

2. A handy anagram to help girls stop and think: D-R-A-M-A.
D – Have I been DRINKING or doing DRUGS?
R – Am I feeling RATIONAL?
A – Am I excessively ANGRY?
M – Would my MOM be worried if she knew what I was about to do?
A – Am I acting like an ADULT?

(If you follow these directions you won’t have to worry about the responsibility police coming to get you in the morning).

3. When a guy says, "I thought I recognized her from somewhere," what he really means is "She was hot, and I wanted to stare."

All of the other tidbits I picked up in this months edition make me blush.

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I tried to pick up an e-card this morning. Hallmark.com said this:

"Our Apologies. Hallmark.com is temporarily offline for maintenance. We want to make sure our site is the best it can be, so we’re doing a bit of house cleaning. We expect to be back online shortly."

WHAT? ON VALENTINE’S DAY? HOUSECLEANING? You’ve got to be kidding. That would be like the Augusta National closing down the course on Sunday of the Masters for landscaping. Give me a break.

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Brandon told me about this. I like ninjas too. So does Brandon.

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Shannon just introduced me to Tyson. He does kinda look like Bella, but I agree that Bella should not be allowed to participate in such high risk activity, she is expensive to fix and quite delicate. Delicate like a bowling ball.

In other puppy news, I hope that y’all all watched the puppy bowl last night.  It was the cutest thing I have ever seen (EVER).  Such adorable dogs, it made me want one very badly.  But seeing as how I can barely take care of myself, I’m not sure I need a puppy.  Actually, I’m sure I don’t need a puppy.

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I like these guys.

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