the thin line between optimism and delusion…

I don’t think I want to be an attorney.  At least the last couple of months I have felt that I don’t want to be an attorney.  I like the law.  But I don’t LOVE the law.  I love law school.  Well, this isn’t entirely true.  I love the law in General.  But not in particular.  I like the thought process.  I am glad I went to law school.  And there is a good chance that I will change my mind in a few months and want to practice law.  But right now I have a new thought about what I want to do.  I want to work in Human Resources.  I love solving problems.  I love helping people.  I like insurance.  I have a degree in risk management and insurance.  I like law.  I will have a degree in law.  I love being around lots of different issues.  I think I would enjoy HR.

I went to talk to the law school career advisor about the options in HR.  Well, turns out the law school career center doesn’t have a lot of advice for what you can do with your law degree if you don’t practice.  I don’t think this is a reflection on the people that work at the career center necessarily, but more of the law school mentality as a whole.  It it like, here are you options, work at a big firm if you are one of the 20 people in your class that qualify, or work at a small firm.  WORK AT A FIRM.  Or maybe work for the government or clerk.  maybe.  I refuse to believe that those are the only options for people with law degrees.  Luckily, the UGA business school – Terry – where I went for undergrad – was a little more helpful.

Anyway, this post was sparked from a post from Jeremy – I really like what he has to say about his decision to not take the firm route.  It isn’t for everyone, and just because you are in law school doesn’t mean it has to be for you.  Also, if it is not for you, that does not mean that law school was a waste.

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I have been thinking about the adjustments that have to be made in order to survive law school. A couple of them are adjustments from college to law school – as opposed to simply real life (which I have little experience with) to law school, but regardless, these are the things I struggle with.

1. I struggle with getting actual work done during the day. In college, I studied at night. Unless I was writing a paper the hours before it was due in the morning, I studied exclusively at night. I think better at night. I focus better at night. Actually, I think too much at night and studying is a good way to not dwell on other things. Well, in law school, studying during the day is required if only because there is so much work to be done. Also, if you think about it, in the real world I am going to be required to do work during the day and not at night. I guess it is something I need to learn anyway – but I honestly and completely prefer to study at night.

2. I struggle with the wireless internet. Right now, I am in class. I should be paying attention to my professor who is engaging and animated – but instead I am writing this. On one hand sometimes I can listen better when I am doing something else, but I’m sure I would learn more if didn’t play on the web. On the same note, I would fall asleep in class more often if I didn’t have the internet.

3. I struggle with being under the microscope. I am being watched, I know I am. Some people pay attention to how much I eat, others keep track of how much time I spend in the library, others observe who I hang out with, who I spend too much time with, how many days I have missed of a certain class, who I left the bar with Friday night, how often I work out, when I started outlining, if I read for class today, etc. I know that this is all part of being an intense environment, and I know that I do it too. College allows us to be anonymous on many levels that law school does not. Just because I am paranoid doesn’t mean someone isn’t following me.

4. I struggle with my professional self esteem. I ooze self esteem in most parts of my life, but for some reason I can’t be confident about my place in the working world. The rejections suffered in law school have negatively impacted me. But I think this goes back before law school, it goes back to the first disillusionments of college. I have so many people that believe in me, but at the same time it has been a long time since I felt truly good at something. Also, I have never gotten anything I have ever interviewed for. I am great at cocktail parties, terrible at interviews. It amazes me, I really don’t understand.

5. I struggle with self discipline, time management, and staying focused. Not much to be said about that. Once I start to get really stressed, I start to lose things and misplace stuff, which just makes me more stressed. I am learning. Law school is a great exercise in accomplishing a task with little to no guidance or direction because what works for one person is not going to work for another, so it is all about figuring it out on your own. Kinda like a concentrated version of life.

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