Archive for August 27th, 2009

I obviously have some authority issues.  As a child, adults didn’t really love me.  Part of this was that I was the most hyperactive child in America (so no one ever let me baby sit growing up), and I thought a lot.  One time when I was 4 I told my mom we needed to stop eating cookies because we were going to be sick if we ate the whole bag.  Wow.  When your 4 year old tells to stop eating cookies because you will end up sick, it’s a bad day.  I’ll also never understand why my elementary school made me sit on the curb during recess to punish me for not being able to sit still during class.  You would think they would have made me run laps instead. 

Well, regardless, I’m not around children a lot, and the children I am around are babies.  Now, when you get children that are a little older, you know the ones who are mobile and talk, part of me has a hard time not associating them with puppies, mostly because a lot of people talk to their kids like I talk to my dog.  Sit.  No.  Stop.  Come here. COME HERE RIGHT NOW!  I’m going to put you in time out.  STOP.  RIGHT NOW! 

When I can get over the fact that they aren’t puppies, I immediately revert to being a child myself and I want to tell them things I shouldn’t.  Like smart come backs to every day comments people make.  (That’s not funny.  It’s hilarious!)  I also have no idea what I’m not suppose to do around them.  I’m the person that gave you kid nine sugar cookies at the luncheon the other day.  Oh, he’s not suppose to have nine cookies?  He already had seven?  Oh, I didn’t know that, he left that part out.  He asked me for them so politely.  He’s not allowed to have Dr. Pepper either?  But he asked for it!  (this goes back to dogs, I don’t like it when people feed my dog people food, and I guess I should be more aware that people probably feel that way about their children, but I think of them as little people).  Part of this is that I want the kids to like me, and I don’t want to be the authority. 

The only way I know how to make kids act right is to play upon their need for acceptance and tell them that what they are doing isn’t cool and that cool people have more friends.  Like, it’s totally not cool to throw sand in your cousin’s eye.  I would think you were cooler if you didn’t do mean things like throw sand in people’s faces.  I’m sure there are much better techniques for getting children to act right.  I haven’t learned them yet. 

I like kids.  I really do.  And for the most part, kids tend to like me.  I think.

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