the thin line between optimism and delusion…

I love camellias.  The ones in my parents backyard are blooming right now, and I was really excited about picking a few and taking them home.  One of my favorite things about camellias is that they bloom in the winter and that when they drop all their flowers it creates a ring of color on the ground that looks like a skirt.

So last week I decided to pick a handful of camellias and bring them home to my house and put them in the sweet little vases I have slowly collected over the years of deb and bridesmaid gifts that sit on the window sill above my kitchen sink.  The problem is that this idea occurred to me when I was already out in the backyard, and I was too lazy to go get the garden sheers and cut my camellia flowers.  So I just went ahead and picked them.  Some of them broke off easily.  Some of them didn’t work out so well and I was left with a sad bald flower with no petals. 

But that didn’t stop me.  I picked a bunch of really pretty camellias and was so happy when I got them home.  They looked so happy and friendly in the vases that seemed to be completely intended just for them (and gardenias). 

Ohhh, but remember how one of the best things about this sweet little flower is that their petals fall off.  And the flowers I picked were no exception.  I found sweet little flower petals EVERYWHERE!  In my car.  On my front walk.  On my front porch.  Smashed into my seagrass rug.  In my dog’s hair.  Stuck to my kitchen floor.  In my pocketbook.  And let’s go ahead and be clear that my window sill was COVERED by the petals in a matter of hours. 

Another thing that has been falling recently is pine straw.  I LOVE new pine straw.  The red kind.  I’m not sure I can even come up with anything else that is the same color.  It is a totally different color once it lays on the ground for a few days.  Deeper, darker, brighter, better.  I like it when it drops from the real high pine trees and sticks in the grass straight up, like the dark red pine straw just sprouted up all over the yard.  Of course, I really like the pine straw because I’ve never actually had a pine tree in my own yard, and it’s much easier to love the pine straw when it isn’t sprouting up in your own yard. 

I’ve been watching the first season of Ally McBeal on dvd.  It makes me laugh.  I never watched the show when it was on television, and I’m so glad, because it’s so much more relative to my life now than it ever could have been then.  There is something about the show that makes me feel better about my own life.  I also love that most all of the characters are on other television shows today. 

I’ve been having a case of the mondays, where everything seemed a little off.  My coffee wasn’t strong enough, my favorite pen ran out of ink, I hit my elbow on the door frame, it got dark too early, my knee hurt while I was running,  nothing serious, nothing real upsetting, but just enough to make me remember that it is monday. 

I’ve been neglecting this blog, for some reason I just haven’t had the drive to put much of anything on paper.  I go through these spells where I have SO MUCH TO SAY, and I take the time to write it down.  But recently I just haven’t gotten around to writing it down.   I still have things to say.  I think of things to blog about all day long.  It is kind of like exercising, you know you will feel better if you do it, and you think about doing it, but it’s so easy to not have the energy to actually do it. 

I’ve always thought of this blog as a sort of bank account of my thoughts, every word I write here increases my investment.  I went to church last night for the first time in a while.  I don’t like to go to church by myself, and I don’t like to go real early in the morning and these two excuses help me to rationalize why I don’t go to church as much as I wish I did.  In Andy’s sermon he talked about how we should have a spiritual bank account in the same way we have a 401(k) or an IRA or a savings account.  I like this idea, it’s something I’m going to think about.  I wonder if spiritual bank accounts have penalties if you make a withdrawal too early.  I hope not.  I might need to make a withdrawal on a seconds notice.  Maybe it’s not something you are suppose to make a withdrawal at all, like an IRA that you were never allowed to withdraw without a penalty, because it will always be worth more to you later than it does now, compound interest and whatnot. 

I don’t know, I’m just thinking.  On a lighter note, I’ve eaten so much left over Halloween candy it is disgusting.  I ate so many nerds and sweet tarts last week my poor little tongue was ripped to shreds.  I’m addicted to mini kit kats and I’ve finished off the last of the strawberry laffy taffy.  It has been a good November so far.