the thin line between optimism and delusion…

(the title to this post is very ego-centric – since the observation is one that I made about myself, so I apologize for being shockingly self absorbed.)

I don’t like horror movies.  I don’t go see them.  I don’t watch the previews for them.  I don’t like being frightened.  I don’t like the graphic images.  They freak me out.  I’ve seen quite a few horror movies, and every one I’ve ever seen is burned in my brain for all eternity.  I don’t mind the stories.  Emily loves horror movies and I like it when she tells me the story.  She is a good story teller and I love stories.  I enjoy hearing the story, it is the mental images in horror movies that I can’t shake.  I read somewhere that men and women process images differently, and really graphic images disturb women much more than men, which is why men are more likely to enjoy shows like the Sopranos (not that women don’t like that show, but women are more likely to be disturbed by it). 

But the weird thing is – I LOVE crime shows.  Like, Love them.  I think I’ve seen every single CSI Las Vegas and 90% of the CSI miami.  I know I’ve seen every NCSI and Numb3rs.  Not to mention the thousands of Law and Orders.  I love the original, SVU, Criminal Intent – I even loved the spin off show Conviction.  I’ve seen every Bones.  I feel like I’m leaving out a show.  I don’t watch CSI new york or cold case.  I watch them on DVD from netflix, I tivo them, and I watch them when they just happen to come on.  Recently I’ve become obsessed with Criminal Minds.  OBSESSED. 

So here is what I find interesting.  Horror movies are not real.  And most of the time the things that happen are not even close to reality.  And they scare me slap silly.

Crime shows?  Crime shows are much closer to the truth.  Not the forensic or legal nature of them, but the stories.  The crimes.  Crimes like that actually happen.  Serial killers are real.  Rapist are real.  Random Acts of violence are REAL.  People kill other people for money and power and sports equipment.  And I can sit up late into the night watching crazy people hack up innocent victims then fall directly to sleep with no residual effect.  And most of these shows are pretty graphic. 

Emily says Drew thinks there is something wrong with her because she loves crime shows.  But that must mean there is obviously something wrong with me too.  Although we both agree, If we weren’t ourselves, we would wish we were.  Hehe. 

On that same note, Jennifer and Emily used to think there was something bad wrong with me because I love depressing music.  They think I’m too upbeat and happy of a person to listen to so much Patty Griffin and Amos Lee and sad county songs.  I find them uplifting.  They are my poets. 

I remember being really upset when I found out that my favorite Susan Tedeschi song was actually a Bob Dylan cover.  Of COURSE it was.  She’s an amazing musician, but Bob Dylan was a poet – and the words are what I really identify with. 

I REALLY hate studying for the bar.  REALLY.  REALLY hate.