Even if it was six days late. And it might be the only Birthday Fax I’ve ever received. David found it in the machine and was like – what the F is this? Sarah told him it didn’t have his name on it so it obviously wasn’t for him. It had a cover sheet and everything, but I left that off to protect the innocent.
Oh, Mean Bean. I miss you.
Posted in Athens, Favorite People, Food and Drink, Law School | 1 Comment »
Listen, just last week I was bragging on you, how awesome the month of October is, and all the wonderfulness that goes along with Fall.
But ever since, you’ve been sort of acting out. First you got really hot. Like, wow. My car said 101 in the sun one day last week. I think it was actually only about 87 degrees, but it FELT like 101, partially because I had gotten dressed when it was 65 degrees.
Then the rain started. And it’s been raining a lot. Not every single day, but on the days it has rained, it has poured.
I haven’t seen any actual rain today, but it’s been dark and cloudy and freezing cold. I tried to go outside with Briscoe this morning, and it was too cold for me to go outside without shoes on. Sad. I always hate it when it gets too cold to be barefoot.
Today at lunch, when I was warming my numb fingers over the toaster oven while I watched the cheese on my left over pizza start to bubble, I realized that summer was actually over. I started to seriously consider where all my favorite socks might be.
I’m planning on the rest of October being full of sunshine and warm pine straw. Do you hear me Fall? Try not to ruin things.
I bought so much candy yesterday. I can’t even tell y’all how much money I spent on candy at target. I went to target after work and I was wandering around like a patient in a mental ward, for some reason I was having a real hard time remembering why I was there. But then I stumbled upon the Halloween section, and I was happy. Candy weighs a lot. Natalie and Erin think I’m a terrible roommate for bringing such a ridiculous amount into the house. I think such comments border on joy stealing. It’s Halloween!
There are lots of other things I might could tell y’all, but I think I’ll keep them to myself for right now and maybe tell y’all later.
Posted in Augusta, Thoughts | Leave a Comment »
As most of you know, October is the best month of the year because it is the month I was born. No really, it has to do with football. Or maybe it’s the weather. Or the leaves and the candy corn and the pumpkins (and the pumpkin candy corns) and the smells! October smells like boiled peanuts, sawdust, burning leaves, funnel cakes, apple cider, damp mornings and warm afternoons. The kind of afternoons where if you are standing in the sun you are hot and it is bright, but if you walk into a wooded trail it gets dark and cool. This is the time of year when I miss the Botanical Gardens more than you can imagine. I have places I run here in augusta, but none of them compare to the gardens in terms of convenience, safety and pure pleasure. Sigh. Athens, I miss you.
But I will be in Athens tomorrow! Libby is flying in tonight and we are hitching a ride with Kate and Trav. I think they will probably drop us off on North Campus with our little coolers so we can go find our friends and meet back up with them later. Hopefully we can stop for boiled peanuts on 78. Trav is normally agreeable to such diversions.
I have been trying to figure out what Briscoe should be for Halloween. She doesn’t seem to care right now, but I know when the time comes she’s going to be upset if she doesn’t have an awesome costume.
I was driving back from Waynesboro the other day and there was a Bud Lite truck in front of me, and there was a sticker on the back of it, like where it might say – IF YOU CAN’T SEE MY MIRRORS I CAN’T SEE YOU! – except, this sticker said – HONK AND I’LL PULL OVER. And it made me think, huh, like, if I’m feeling like a case of bud lite while I’m cruising down the highway, can I just honk and the truck will pull over and hook me up? It is the best case scenario and the only one I wish to consider for the purpose of such a sticker.
I’m really happy that it is Friday. I’m going to now push my personal opinions on you.
I love the new Spearhead cd, it makes me happy. I think Lie To Me is the best show currently on television. Target has great paper towels.
I’ve been thinking about time zones and earthquakes and how I need to mow my lawn. Hopefully these will be later posts. I feel sad for Chicago and the death of Roberta the chickenreally upset me yesterday. I told my mom about Roberta and she got mad at me and told me not to tell her such depressing things. Bizzy told me about it. I told mama it wasn’t my fault Bizzy spread such horrible stories. Speaking of Bizzy, I’m going to DC next weekend! Hooray! I haven’t been to DC in years and years.
Susan Elizabeth came in town last night and we went to Luigi’s and ate our little hearts out and drank some red wine. We told lots of secrets and talked about the past and the future and work. It was awesome. Then we came home and ate pound cake and drew on the refrigerator and laughed. Briscoe was really happy.
Posted in Athens, Augusta, Football, outside | Leave a Comment »
I had great intentions of having lots of interesting and funny things to say tonight, but then I got really distracted by this blog – Strange Maps. I love maps. That, coupled with the fact that my laptop is on his last leg and the keyboard only works when tilted a little forward, has sort of zapped my creative energy.
Briscoe is asleep next to me, dreaming of something, because her legs twitch every few moments, like she is running in her sleep. She and I went on a walk today and she has been very full of herself ever since.
Sometimes, when I’m browsing facebook, and I notice that someone has something really uncool on their profile, like a guy who lists the notebook as one of his favorite movies or lists hootie and the blowfish as one of his favorite bands (you know, those guilty pleasure books, movies, bands that most people secretly like but pretend like they don’t) I immediately wonder – Is this person really cool and confident in themselves and really doesn’t give a damn that they still listen to the first Hanson album and loves the indigo girls? Or, is this person just dweebie enough to have no idea? Does this make me a judgmental bitch? Really, I know people in both categories. Either is a distinct possibility.
Oh, I was going to post about Serena Williams and Kanye. But I’m too tired now and I can pretty much sum it up with three letters. Boo. Wait, here is a longer word – Unacceptable. Childish, immature, and sort of scary. I feel bad for Venus, she seems much less of a diva and much cooler of a person. I can’t believe that Serena said that she didn’t understand why the line judge felt threatened. Really? Serena is what, like 6’3? She’s a really large, imposing figure. But you know who isn’t? Kanye. Taylor Swift towered over him. Do you think that is why he took the mic away from her? Because she’s 5’11 and had on heels and he’s 5’7?
Honestly, I’m just always disappointed when super stars misbehave and try to intimidate those around them. I don’t like it when you pick on the little line judge or the 17 year old county music singer when you are the most imposing female tennis player ever and one of the biggest icons in the music industry. It seems, tacky. But I do like the way Beyonce handled it. She is classy.
On a happier, lighter note, fall is here. The mornings have become consistently cool and the fall smells are here. The warm afternoon intensifies the tea olives and the late jasmine, gardenias and hydragas. The damp humid, cooler mornings smell of oak bark, fallen leaves and wet grass. I’ve been drinking a lot of starbucks. Coffee is so much more enjoyable when it doesn’t make you sweat.
Sweet dreams children, Briscoe has now rolled over on her back and is snoring with all four feet in the air. I think I will join her. It is much easier to count sheep when you have a live one laying at your feet.
Posted in Augusta, Briscoe, Current Affairs, dogs | 1 Comment »
I have been dog sitting for my parents for the past week. Bo and Bella are kind of ridiculous dogs, but I love them and they have been trying to be cooperative, but mother nature has been making this very difficult.
I went to sleep early on Monday night, and Briscoe was upstairs with me. Bo and Bella were downstairs in the kitchen. All the sudden I hear a CRASH! It sounded like the baby gate we use to keep the dogs in the kitchen had fallen down. This happens on occassion and isn’t a big deal, since the dogs are deathy afraid of the gate and won’t climb over it. The concerning part, was that there continued to be crashing and noise from downstairs. Not in the kitchen. When meant, something other than the two dogs I’d left downstairs was presently enjoying the classic decor of the living room.
I called Travers, he said he’d be right there. I called Matt, cause he was in the cottage, and he came over to help. Briscoe was freaking out. She ran into the living room and I watched in horror as she chased a squirrel up the plaster wall and onto the window scounce.
Can you see his arm and leg?
Matt got close to the window, and the damn thing fell, bounced on his back on the table, leapt onto the piano, almost knocked over every breakable object in the house before hiding behind the china cabinet. Smart animal. Too heavy to move, too fragile to try.
The dogs were so traumatized. I had to physically carry Bella into the house and drag her into the kitchen. She knew the squirrel was still there. She knew. Well, two days later, after chewing through a couple of electrical and cable cords, setting the alarm off and otherwise terrorizing the dogs, I came downstairs yesterday morning to find a dead squirrel on the rug in the living room. Sweet. Dead things. Well, we all know I can’t pick up the squirrel or go near it, since the last time I tried to pick up a dead squirrel he wasn’t dead and bit me.
The dogs had had enough of me forcing them to hang out inside with a squirrel, and flat refused to come inside yesterday morning, so I left them outside. I put water under the house and made sure they couldn’t get out anywhere. And I found the biggest spider I’ve ever seen. 
I freaked out, got in touch with Josh (Josh is a professor and has his phd in forestry bugs – I saw his dissertation, the man knows his bugs), and anxiously awaited his instructions. Josh said she won’t hurt me, that it’s what they call a banana spider, they are quite common and spin really pretty webs which they use to catch beetles (read – roaches) and mosquitoes. He further recommended that I grab a few beetles and throw them in her nest, because she will attack them and spin them into a cocoon before she eats them and that it is “neat” to watch (his words, not mine). Sweet. It really made me miss him. I told Josh I appreciated his expert opinion but that I would not be throwing any beetles anywhere. I am really pumped that she eats mosquitoes and roaches, so I’ve decided to keep her as a pet. I’ve named her Hermione and she has been watching the dogs for me while I’ve been at work. She is the size of my fist and I swear I can lean on her web without it breaking. It’s like fishing line.
My life is so national geographic.
Other happening of note, we had a successful last minute cook out last night, with lots of tomatoes, cheese, beer, hamburgers, chicken, and french fries. It was a victory of effortless entertaining, low stress, high enjoyment, everyone left happy and full. Thanks to Kate and Trav for going out of town.
I have woken up the past few mornings to a chill in the air, which has made my coffee taste better and my over all personal happiness level improve. My imagination immediately transports me to a morning where I am getting ready to get into a car to drive to Athens for a football game, instead of driving to the office. Of course in that scenario I would be drinking a cold beer instead of hot coffee.
But you know what today is don’t you? GAME DAY! I want everyone to be watching football tonight. I hope that everyone has been watching the HBO series Hard Knocks, which is a reality show about the Cincinnati Bengal’s training camp. I get really sad when anyone gets cut, it’s so depressing for the players to be woken up at 5 am and sent home. But I really really really love Chad Ocho Cinco. Love. Child Please. I could say it all day long. Child. Please. child. PLEASE. child…please. CHILD please.
And I know I’m never suppose to say such a thing, but I’m going to say this once and only once. This is for Ike and Peter and Matt and Claire and Darius (I love your music Darius). Ahem. Um. Give me a second. Deep Breathes. DEEP. Okay. Here goes. go cocks!
Posted in Augusta, Difficulties, dogs, outside, ridiculousness | Leave a Comment »
I obviously have some authority issues. As a child, adults didn’t really love me. Part of this was that I was the most hyperactive child in America (so no one ever let me baby sit growing up), and I thought a lot. One time when I was 4 I told my mom we needed to stop eating cookies because we were going to be sick if we ate the whole bag. Wow. When your 4 year old tells to stop eating cookies because you will end up sick, it’s a bad day. I’ll also never understand why my elementary school made me sit on the curb during recess to punish me for not being able to sit still during class. You would think they would have made me run laps instead.
Well, regardless, I’m not around children a lot, and the children I am around are babies. Now, when you get children that are a little older, you know the ones who are mobile and talk, part of me has a hard time not associating them with puppies, mostly because a lot of people talk to their kids like I talk to my dog. Sit. No. Stop. Come here. COME HERE RIGHT NOW! I’m going to put you in time out. STOP. RIGHT NOW!
When I can get over the fact that they aren’t puppies, I immediately revert to being a child myself and I want to tell them things I shouldn’t. Like smart come backs to every day comments people make. (That’s not funny. It’s hilarious!) I also have no idea what I’m not suppose to do around them. I’m the person that gave you kid nine sugar cookies at the luncheon the other day. Oh, he’s not suppose to have nine cookies? He already had seven? Oh, I didn’t know that, he left that part out. He asked me for them so politely. He’s not allowed to have Dr. Pepper either? But he asked for it! (this goes back to dogs, I don’t like it when people feed my dog people food, and I guess I should be more aware that people probably feel that way about their children, but I think of them as little people). Part of this is that I want the kids to like me, and I don’t want to be the authority.
The only way I know how to make kids act right is to play upon their need for acceptance and tell them that what they are doing isn’t cool and that cool people have more friends. Like, it’s totally not cool to throw sand in your cousin’s eye. I would think you were cooler if you didn’t do mean things like throw sand in people’s faces. I’m sure there are much better techniques for getting children to act right. I haven’t learned them yet.
I like kids. I really do. And for the most part, kids tend to like me. I think.
Posted in Difficulties, dogs, Thoughts | Leave a Comment »
So back to my grotesque self inflicted injury. My entire eyeball is now blood red. I would post pictures, but it is so gross, that I cannot subject y’all to that. I’ve been sending Libby a picture text every day of the progression, because, well, she cares more than any normal person should about my personal difficulties (which I appreciate to no end). It’s interesting to see it progress. It’s like a lava lamp. It moves really slowly, but it’s always moving. Every time I look in the mirror it looks different. Jim shudders every time I look him in the eye. When I got upstairs this morning Sarah said, wow, it’s gotten a whole lot worse. THANKS.
The weird part is that it doesn’t hurt. At all. I don’t even notice it. Actually, I forget about it. And I’m even starting to get used to seeing it in the mirror. But see, no one else is getting all used to it like I am. I wasn’t really sure how to go about handling this. So I got an eye patch. ARRGGG. I’m a pirate. Actually, I now have two eye patches. One has pink sequin hearts on it. The other one is just regular. I wanted one with a jolly roger on it, but I had to buy the whole pirate costume for an eight year old to get that. Sigh. Life is hard.
I apologize for anyone and everyone who has to be around me for the next week. I know I should probably just stay at home and not subject other people to the horror film being shown in my left eye, but I don’t really want to stay at home. Home is sort of boring, and going out is so much more fun. There are so many fun things to do this weekend and fun people to see, staying at home sounds no fun. Of course, grossing out everyone in my line of sight also sounds kind of lame.
I sincerely appreciate all the nice people who have told me that it doesn’t look that bad (it does) and who tell me it is cool (it’s not). Those are very sweet, thoughful lies, and they do make me feel better.
Despite my eye, I have been in a fantastic mood all day, for no real good reason. I think it might be the eye patch in my pocketbook. It changes you.
Posted in Beauty, Difficulties | Leave a Comment »
The cicadas are in full force. Mama told me last night that the cry of the cicada scares the roaches. We’ve had a lot of rain recently. And guess what? A roach got into my room last night. A FLYING roach. Honestly, I’m not sure I can type the following words.
He landed on my arm when I was trying to go to sleep. A roach. Landed on me. While I was laying in my bed. I might die. I’m at least seven years older this morning than I was last night.
This roach wasn’t doing so hot, which is probably why he fell on me. He was obviously dying, and the whole flying thing was becoming difficult. But that didn’t keep him from totally ruining my night and causing me sincere heart failure. Obviously, once I was able to make sure it was dead (it hid from me for a while, but I found him and took him out with chemical warfare), and calm down, I had to sleep on the other side of the bed because I was so upset with what had happened on that side. I tried to go to sleep with the lights on, because I couldn’t bear to turn them off. Roaches don’t like light. I read my book for a very long time and tried to find a happy place in my imagination.
When I woke up this morning, I was still rather upset about the situation, but was ready to move on with my life. As I was putting on my mascara, I noticed something funny about my eye. My eye ball, under my top left eye lid, is blood red. I had my second heart attack in 12 hours, ran downstairs to show natalie, and called Mama. Natalie supported my assumption that I was probably dying, and Kate told me that I probably popped a blood vessel and would live.
I called the eye doctor, and they told me that I did pop a blood vessel, and that I could come in to have someone look at it if it would make me feel better, but that there was nothing they could do about it. They also told me that it would get worse before it got better, and would probably look much worse tomorrow. The good thing is that it will go away on it’s own in TEN TO TWELVE DAYS. Are you serious?
Right now you can’t see it unless I move my eye a specific way and point it out to you, my eye lid is covering it up completely. But I am convinced I can feel it moving down my eye ball. And every time I do look at it, I’m horrified that it looks ten times worse than I thought it did. If I wake up in the morning and look like one of the ghouls from Thriller on my hi def television, I’m not leaving the house.
In other news, today is my one year anniversary with my law firm. Hooray. Sarah says it feels like I’ve been here a lot longer than that. I can’t believe it’s been a whole year. It is amazing how fast a year can go by! I guess I just have a really awesome job.
Speaking of awesome jobs, one of my girl friend’s coworker is out of town, so she has been doing some of his work. To do his job involves using his computer. In order to access his computer, she has to use his password. His password, for EVERYTHING on his computer, is Boobies. He thinks this is hilarious, to the point he could barely get it out of his mouth because of his giggle fit. He’s married and has children and is entirely too old to get the giggles when he tells people his computer password. I’m not saying the word boobies isn’t funny, because, it can be. But when you work in corporate america, and you go out of town for vacation, and you know your female coworker is going to be using your password all week, change it from boobies. Better yet, keep that kind of password on your home computer. I can’t even repeat some of the other off color remarks made by her other coworkers, mostly having to do with whether their desk can withstand their assistant’s weight. Thank god for corporate sexual harassment training!
In addition to the roach, and the eye ball problem, the humidity when I left my house this morning was 97%, which is impressive.
I am sorry for the negative tone and high gross out factor of this post. I am slowly recovering from my traumatic experiences. Now I just need to stop looking in the mirror. It is making me kind of ill.
Posted in Difficulties, Georgia | Leave a Comment »
I fell down the top part of these steps one time right as school got out. I had on a skirt and my overloaded backpack flipped over my head and dragged my down to the landing. The only thing broken was my 15 year old spirit.
These pictures are of my beloved high school, from the front page of the Augusta Chronicle this morning. As you can see, I went to the Academy of Richmond County. My brother and I are 4th generation Musketeers, as is my cousin if I think about it. This year marks the 225 anniversary of the school.
Seriously, I love Richmond. I don’t to be in high school again, under any circumstances, but it was a great place. Never a dull moment.
My ten year reunion is coming up in a few weeks and I’m not going to be able to make it because of a conflict with a wedding. But I really wish I could be there.
In the early summer, when my teacher friends get out of school, I have a sincerely, strong hatred for them. It’s not fair! I stomp. I want to sleep till noon on tuesday. But then, when they have to go back to school, I remember why I couldn’t handle that. I would have an extremely hard time returning to work after being foot loose and fancy for two months. Plus, being up and ready for a class full of other people’s children at 7:30 is not my idea of a good time, although I greatly admire the people who perform this necessary service to society.
Last night reinforced how much I love my neighborhood. Natalie, Briscoe and I sat outside on the front porch, and Travers came over, and then Matt and Jenna stopped by, after which I wandered around the corner to see Paige and Jack, and ended up at Helga’s playing trivia with the public defenders – Travers and Natalie and Matt and Jenna were there too. Helga’s has really awesome french fries. Leaving trivia, I saw Ross and Caleb, who tried to peer pressure me back into the bar because they obviously had nothing to do at work today. I held strong and didn’t not re-enter the smoky dive, and endured a few hate voice notes full of their disapproval. I had some crazy dreams and woke up to a text message from natalie saying she was running out for a biscuit and did I want one? Of course I do!
It was such a fun night, all so close to home and including so many of my favorite people. There is a really cute house for rent down the street from us, don’t you want to move in? We can grill hamburgers and spy on our drug dealing neighbors and Briscoe will lick your toes while you drink a cold beer.
Posted in Augusta | Leave a Comment »
So I’ve told y’all about Donald, my handy-man. He has single handedly remodeled my house for me.
Donald was installing some light fixtures for me the other day, and he was telling me about how he had to go home and baby sit his aunt. Apparently she’s real old and doesn’t know what is going on very well anymore (Donald’s words were a little less PC).
Donald: “She’s a moron. Seriously, she doesn’t know what’s going on. And you have to get her a frosty every day.”
Me: “Really? Does she have a frosty card? How big does the frosty need to be?”
Donald: ” What’s a frosty card? She doesn’t care what size it is, you just have to get her one every single damn day.”
Me: “She totally needs a frosty card! You get a free frosty! Whenever! You don’t even have to buy anything!” (I picked my keys up to show him my frosty card)
Donald (with a suspicious look) “How much does that card cost?”
Me: “A dollar.”
Donald: “Can you buy one for someone else?”
Me: “Far as I know, it’s a fundraiser!”
Donald: “I’ll have to look into that.”
Posted in Augusta, Food and Drink | Leave a Comment »
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the thin line between optimism and delusion... 