the thin line between optimism and delusion…

So back to my grotesque self inflicted injury.  My entire eyeball is now blood red.  I would post pictures, but it is so gross, that I cannot subject y’all to that.  I’ve been sending Libby a picture text every day of the progression, because, well, she cares more than any normal person should about my personal difficulties (which I appreciate to no end).  It’s interesting to see it progress.  It’s like a lava lamp.  It moves really slowly, but it’s always moving.  Every time I look in the mirror it looks different.  Jim shudders every time I look him in the eye.  When I got upstairs this morning Sarah said, wow, it’s gotten a whole lot worse.  THANKS. 

The weird part is that it doesn’t hurt.  At all.  I don’t even notice it.  Actually, I forget about it.  And I’m even starting to get used to seeing it in the mirror.  But see, no one else is getting all used to it like I am.  I wasn’t really sure how to go about handling this.  So I got an eye patch.  ARRGGG.  I’m a pirate.  Actually, I now have two eye patches.  One has pink sequin hearts on it.  The other one is just regular.  I wanted one with a jolly roger on it, but I had to buy the whole pirate costume for an eight year old to get that.  Sigh.  Life is hard. 

I apologize for anyone and everyone who has to be around me for the next week.  I know I should probably just stay at home and not subject other people to the horror film being shown in my left eye, but I don’t really want to stay at home.  Home is sort of boring, and going out is so much more fun.  There are so many fun things to do this weekend and fun people to see, staying at home sounds no fun.  Of course, grossing out everyone in my line of sight also sounds kind of lame. 

I sincerely appreciate all the nice people who have told me that it doesn’t look that bad (it does) and who tell me it is cool (it’s not).  Those are very sweet, thoughful lies, and they do make me feel better. 

Despite my eye, I have been in a fantastic mood all day, for no real good reason.  I think it might be the eye patch in my pocketbook.  It changes you.