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Archive for October 13th, 2004

Dreaming of the Rockies….

Posted in CKP on October 13, 2004| Leave a Comment »

I have been watching the new WB show, the Mountain. I like the show, it is the typical WB style, nothing out of the ordinary. But what kills me about the show is that it makes me think about Colorado. And I love Colorado. I would compare my feelings of Colorado to that of an ex-boyfriend that I am not over and probably never will be over. I only lived in Colorado for three months, and I don’t have an ex-boyfriend out there, but it is the only way to express the feelings I have for the place.

This is the kind of ex I am talking about. The one that never REALLY hurt you, and at times made you exceptionally happy, but the one that you always kind of knew was not permanent, for whatever reason. It is the kind of ex that you like to dream about, what if it had – or could have – been permanent? You wonder what they are doing now. You might even get in touch with them and go visit them. Or randomly run into them. And while you are with them, everything is perfect. You are someone different while they are present. But not different in a bad way – just different. More Alive. And seeing them is exhilarating. But something brings you back to your current life – something. It is different for everyone. And even though you have these feelings, they are not strong enough to pull you away from where you are now. It is in the past. Something about the lack of reality, either in the situation, or in the intensity, or in the other person, detaches you in the midst of the rush.

This is how I feel about Colorado. This is how the mountains make me feel. They make me take a deeper breath. Some of my most favorite people in the world live in Colorado. And some I just met there. I lived there in the summer. But I have had a few very intense winter experiences – enough to envision myself there in the winter. And the high points are so very high. I can think of no other place where I would enjoy more sheer pleasure and delight in the world. Just the sky makes me dizzy – but different than the sky in Greece.

It is not enough. Somehow I think I would be lonely in Colorado. I know I would be cold. For some reason I am very afraid of missing something here. Which is totally stupid, but it is still something I can’t shake. What am I looking for here? I don’t know. What would I be looking for there that would be so different? There is a lack of reality in Colorado that I think might wear me out. Is it the fear of running away from reality that scares me? See, here I am trying to justify why I should get back together with my ex. I adore Colorado – but I am confident that it is not right for me right now. Just the way I feel about certain people.

I’m telling you, getting emotionally attached to places is just as dangerous as getting emotionally attached to people. Because – for the most part – you can’t change them, you just have to love them the way they are. I have an amazing painting of a mountain I love above my bed, it is an icon that represents more than I can express here. Being content is a virtue, a lesson to learn.

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my life is falling apart and I can’t do anything about it.

Posted in Difficulties on October 13, 2004| Leave a Comment »

am sad and angry. My car is broken. It broke down in the middle of broad street today, directly in front of the holiday inn express. The only thing that even made this okay is that I was in the right lane. Otherwise, I think I might have started to cry. I am not a crier, I probably cry a few times a year at the most. But I was beyond frustration. I don’t like to break down. I don’t play around with how much gas is in my car, because I don’t like to give out of gas. If something is wrong with my car, I take it in to have it fixed. And this time was no different.

My car started acting crazy, and I took to the shop. I took it to the Mercedes people in athens. Now, let me preface this by saying that the mercedes people in Athens suck. I haven’t taken my car there in a long time because in the past I have had bad experiences. The men that work there like to talk to me like I am a dumb woman that doesn’t understand. I don’t trust them. I mean, I bought the stupid car from them, I think that they should be a little more friendly. I haven’t taken my car there in a long time because my warranty ran out and they aren’t nice to me. And to be fair, they have new people working in the service department now. Regardless, I have bad feelings, and my dad doesn’t trust them either. So when they charged me a bunch of money just to tell me what was wrong with it, my dad told me to bring to home and he would get Mike in Augusta to fix it.

Mike is an imports guy, and has been fixing my dad’s cars for years. Mercedes told me it was going to break down on me at some point, they didn’t know when. Well, Daddy took it home, and Mike fixed some stuff and looked at it every day for a week and told me that the other stuff didn’t matter. The check engine light kept coming on. I was in Augusta yesterday for an eye doctor’s appointment (a whole other story) and I had Mike look at it again. He said it wasn’t a big deal. Stuff that could be fixed, but stuff that wasn’t necessary. Something about the oil gauge that was wrong. I drive the car back the Athens today, and on the way back from Circuit City (powercord problems), the car completely stalls out. It is in permanent neutral. Neutral in reverse, and in all gears. No gears. In the middle of the road.

Luckily Cristina is with me, or I might have lost it. In Athens. I call Mike. Mike wants to come pick me up, until I tell him I am Athens. I call mercedes, they give me the number of a towing truck, I call the number, a women picks up the phone and hangs up on me. While I am calling these people a British dude comes out of the holiday inn express and wants to help. He wants to push my car. We try to explain to him that he can’t push it himself. He wants me to back it up on the sidewalk. He REALLY wants to help. Cristina and I REALLY want him to go away. He was trying really hard to be useful, but he didn’t know anything about America, and even though I do have a european brand car, my car was made in america.  I think he was bored.

Finally I call information and Barrett’s towing comes and gets me and the tow man is so nice and helpful, I could have hugged him. Katie was sweet enough to leave work and come get Cristina and me. First my computer, and now my car. Oh well, it could be something important. I’m just glad I was in an good mood today otherwise, or I really would have started crying, which would have rendered me even more useless.

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My life is falling apart and I can’t do anything about it.

Posted in CKP on October 13, 2004| 2 Comments »

I am sad and angry. My car is broken. It broke down in the middle of broad street today, directly in front of the holiday inn express. The only thing that even made this okay is that I was in the right lane. Otherwise, I think I might have started to cry. I am not a crier, I probably cry a few times a year at the most. ButI was beyond frustration. I don’t like to break down. I don’t play around with how much gas is in my car, because I don’t like to give out of gas. If something is wrong with my car, I take it in to have it fixed. And this time was no different.

My car started acting crazy, and I took to the shop. I took it to the Mercedes people in athens. Now, let me preface this by saying that the mercedes people in Athens suck. I haven’t taken my car there in a long time because in the past I have had bad experiences. The men that work there like to talk to me like I am a dumb woman that doesn’t understand. I don’t trust them. I mean, I bought the stupid car from them, I think that they should be a little more friendly. I haven’t taken my car there in a long time because my warranty ran out and they aren’t nice to me. And to be fair, they have new people working in the service department now. Regardless, I have bad feelings, and my dad doesn’t trust them either. So when they charged me a bunch of money just to tell me what was wrong with it, my dad told me to bring to home and he would get Mike in Augusta to fix it.

Mike is an imports guy, and has been fixing my dad’s cars for years. Mercedes told me it was going to break down on me at some point, they didn’t know when. Well, Daddy took it home, and Mike fixed some stuff and looked at it every day for a week and told me that the other stuff didn’t matter. The check engine light kept coming on. I was in Augusta yesterday for an eye doctor’s appointment (a whole other story) and I had Mike look at it again. He said it wasn’t a big deal. Stuff that could be fixed, but stuff that wasn’t necessary. Something about the oil gauge that was wrong. I drive the car back the Athens today, and on the way back from Circuit City (powercord problems), the car completely stalls out. It is in permanent neutral. Neutral in reverse, and in all gears. No gears. In the middle of the road.

Luckily Cristina is with me, or I might have lost it. In Athens. I call Mike. Mike wants to come pick me up, until I tell him I am Athens. I call mercedes, they give me the number of a towing truck, I call the number, a women picks up the phone and hangs up on me. While I am calling these people a British dude comes out of the holiday inn express and wants to help. He wants to push my car. We try to explain to him that he can’t push it himself. He wants me to back it up on the sidewalk. He REALLY wants to help. Cristina and I REALLY want him to go away. He was trying really hard to be useful, but he didn’t know anything about America, and even though I do have a european brand car, my car was made in america.

Finally I call information and Barrett’s towing comes and gets me and the tow man is so nice and helpful, I could have hugged him. Katie was sweet enough to leave work and come get Cristina and me. First my computer, and now my car. Oh well, it could be something important. I’m just glad I was in an good mood today otherwise, or I really would have started crying, which would have rendered me even more useless.

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