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Archive for March 31st, 2009

and difficulties and biting off more than you can chew.  My thoughts have to do with marathons and grad school and running over the people in your life with your dreams and being jealous of other people’s dreams and being frustrated and fulfilled by your dreams.  About how learning to do something well and taking the time to actually focus long enough on one dream before you jump to another dream and not letting the disappointment of last years dream keep you from this year’s dream. 

But I’m rambling.  I’m not really thinking about dreams the way I just described.  I’m thinking more about having a goal that seems overwhelming and completing it, and how it can be exhilarating and at the same time something of a let down until you find another goal.  Because it leaves a space.  And often time, space is something I can be uncomfortable with. 

Right now I’m completely overwhelmed with my house and weddings and work and the fact that the Masters is next week and I complain that all I want is a day to do nothing.  But when that day comes, when I have a few weekends without plans, the first weekend without plans will be difficult for me.  I’ll feel like I’m missing something or that I should be engaged in something, when really I just need space to breathe. 

I’ve b een thinking about this because Ana has been writing about how she decided to quit smoking because she needed a new personal challenge.  And then Judith wrote about how cooking elaborate meals for her children on their birthdays challenged her and made her feel special.  And their writing really resonated with me this week. 

So I’ve been thinking.  Thinking and packing and cleaning and working and shopping for things I MUST HAVE (like a bathroom sink), and painting and untangling garden hoses and peeling off tape and trying not to collapse from exhaustion. 

Speaking of…the sheep need me to go count them so they can go to sleep too.

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