the thin line between optimism and delusion…

I hate the time change, and I love the time change. I love the fact that I can go running later in the day, except for the fact that I haven’t been running lately because I can’t breathe outside. I have come up with a good remedy to not being able to breathe, Benadryl, the only allegy medicine that works as far as I am concerned. the only problem with Benadryl is the sleep factor. I can’t stay awake when I take Benadryl, so there is no real reason to go outside after taking the benadryl, because I will just fall asleep, and running is really hard when you are asleep.

So there is the growing possibility that once out of this fine institution, my legal career will be threatened by lack of employment. If this happens, I could always see if my dad has work for me to do. Paine and Paine, LLP, I can see it now. It would be much cooler if my dad still had his partner, Kevin Little around, and then we could go by Paine Little Paine, which I think is just hilarious. I don’t know if Kevin would think it is as funny. But Kevin isn’t around anymore, he moved to atlanta, and so now it is just my dad. Chance my dad and I would kill each other if we worked together every day: Highly likely.

Crazy people never want to take their medicine. you know in As Good As It Gets, how Melvin (Jack Nicholson) the crazy guy, talks about how his doctor prescribes him pills that make his OCD better, but the problem is that his OCD makes him hate pills? Well, my pills are suppose to make my ADHD better, but I am too ADHD to be able to remember to take the pills. And that just makes me another crazy person who can’t take their medicine. At least I am a happy crazy person. Happy because I am too crazy to recognize what is going on around me. I’m going to be that mother that forgets to pick her children up at school. wait, that would make me my mother. Haha, they always act like children are terribly scarred by being forgotten, my mom used to forget to pick up carpool, and I don’t think I am scarred by it. I knew why she forgot, she is a crazy person. Luckily we lived close enough to school for me to walk to and from school after I was like 7. Don’t worry, I walked with my older brother, my parents would have never let me cross milledge road by myself. If i can’t remember to pick my kids up at school, how am I going to be able to be an attorney? this is a dilema. Well, we will figure that out when the time comes, until then I think I will just stress about how I am going to study for finals, and adderrol should help there. We have exactly three more weeks of school from today, and then a week of study. Four weeks from now, we will have finished our first final exam of our first year. Wow, I can’t talk about it, I might black out.

I just want to state that I am looking to date a guy who works for statefarm, so when my friends are like, who are you dating, I can just tell them where his billboard is, and they can go check him out themselves. It could also be cool, if people are like, I think i’ve seen you before, and he could be like, do you drive down epps bridge much, I have a billboard. Or, if he went out of town, and I missed him a lot, I could just drive by and see him whenever I wanted to.

If my textbooks were liquid, and I could drink them, i would be in much better shape that I am now. Especially if the liquid tasted like water or beer or Mr. Pibb. Not that I don’t love to read, but I am a compulsive drinker. I really need some sort of liquid around at all times so I can be drinking. The reason I have such a high tendency to lose my nalgene bottle is because I take it with me everywhere. I drink on average three nalgene bottles a day, and two or three Mr. Pibbs. Or at least, that is what I have had to drink today. Basically I drink over four liters of liquid a day. I think this is a problem. I didn’t always have this problem, I used to never drink water. i used to eat ice a lot, but then i decided to stop eating ice because it hurts my jaws, so now I don’t put ice in my drinks at all, so that way I won’t eat the ice. Because I drink all day long, when I drink alcohol, I have a hard time not drinking with the same frequency, and this is why I have a tendency to be overserved. it isn’t my fault, it is my ocd problem with liquids. Colder drinks are easier to drink fast, so for the most part, the only liquids I drink cold are cokes and beer. I can’t drink white wine, because I drink it too fast because it is cold, so I drink red wine. If I drink liquor, normally I drink cosmopolitans which have little pieces of ice sometimes, but if I drink another liqour drink I will use ice. Basically, I have an obsessive personality. I think i could have an addictive personality if given the chance, but for the most part I am just obsessive. I have a tendency to eat at the same restaraunt over and over, and read the same books over and over, and whatever, you get the picture. Jennifer says that it is just that I am always paying intent attention to something. Even though i have an attention deficit, the real problem is that I can’t focus on anything for very long, but I am always focusing, and when i am focusing, it is intently. This also leads to me having problems in a large group of people(parties, bars), because I much better one on one, since I either focus on one person and ignore everyone else, or I focus on everyone for five minutes and don’t have a real conversation with anyone. The great thing about adderoll is that it helps me stay focused on one thing, but I just have to make sure I get focused on the right thing, otherwise I will end up studying maps of ancient greece for hours or wasting time writing in my live journal……….oh, and on another note, I have mentioned this before, but it is really interesting that I forget that people in law school are here because they have a certain make up. most people in law school are overly analytical people with surpressed personalities. I mean this is in the nicest way possible. I am overly analytical with a tendency to dwell on things. somehow this works out because, as cristina says, I’m not lacking in the confidence. Actually, more than confidence, i think it is my refusal to think anything but the best possible explanation. if some boy doesn’t like me, well, maybe there is something about me that he doesn’t like, but it isn’t me (this is where the delusion comes in). It takes a lot for meto be convinced that someone really just doesn’t like me, girl or boy. Because, if someone really doesn’t like me, then I just don’t care to know about it, unless there is something I can do to fix the situation. otherwise, I prefer to be ignorant. You should always think the best, because it doesn’t help to think otherwise.