I have been watching the new WB show, the Mountain. I like the show, it is the typical WB style, nothing out of the ordinary. But what kills me about the show is that it makes me think about Colorado. And I love Colorado. I would compare my feelings of Colorado to that of an ex-boyfriend that I am not over and probably never will be over. I only lived in Colorado for three months, and I don’t have an ex-boyfriend out there, but it is the only way to express the feelings I have for the place.
This is the kind of ex I am talking about. The one that never REALLY hurt you, and at times made you exceptionally happy, but the one that you always kind of knew was not permanent, for whatever reason. It is the kind of ex that you like to dream about, what if it had – or could have – been permanent? You wonder what they are doing now. You might even get in touch with them and go visit them. Or randomly run into them. And while you are with them, everything is perfect. You are someone different while they are present. But not different in a bad way – just different. More Alive. And seeing them is exhilarating. But something brings you back to your current life – something. It is different for everyone. And even though you have these feelings, they are not strong enough to pull you away from where you are now. It is in the past. Something about the lack of reality, either in the situation, or in the intensity, or in the other person, detaches you in the midst of the rush.
This is how I feel about Colorado. This is how the mountains make me feel. They make me take a deeper breath. Some of my most favorite people in the world live in Colorado. And some I just met there. I lived there in the summer. But I have had a few very intense winter experiences – enough to envision myself there in the winter. And the high points are so very high. I can think of no other place where I would enjoy more sheer pleasure and delight in the world. Just the sky makes me dizzy – but different than the sky in Greece.
It is not enough. Somehow I think I would be lonely in Colorado. I know I would be cold. For some reason I am very afraid of missing something here. Which is totally stupid, but it is still something I can’t shake. What am I looking for here? I don’t know. What would I be looking for there that would be so different? There is a lack of reality in Colorado that I think might wear me out. Is it the fear of running away from reality that scares me? See, here I am trying to justify why I should get back together with my ex. I adore Colorado – but I am confident that it is not right for me right now. Just the way I feel about certain people.
I’m telling you, getting emotionally attached to places is just as dangerous as getting emotionally attached to people. Because – for the most part – you can’t change them, you just have to love them the way they are. I have an amazing painting of a mountain I love above my bed, it is an icon that represents more than I can express here. Being content is a virtue, a lesson to learn.
the thin line between optimism and delusion... 
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