Maybe things aren’t as bad as I’m making them out to be – but this is what it feels like:
8:00 Hit snooze button.
9:00 Wake up and realize snooze button was not snooze.
9: 20 Park car in parking deck. Get yelled at by parking attendant and made to move to different spot three spaces down from your current space for absolutely arbitrary reasons, but not before parking attendant threatens to have your car towed from the deck if you make a scene. Grumble about parking pass your bought from convention center.
9:30 Finally find Barbri lecture room in labyrinth of convention center, the staff of which has no regard for consistency about what room your lecture is placed in or any regard for your personal convenience.
9:32 Notice with happiness that you haven’t even missed two whole pages of the lecture, even though you were half an hour late. Mental note to never stress about being late ever again.
9:33 Deep sigh of resignment that if the lecturer has only made it through two pages in half an hour that the next 50 pages of your life are going to be slow, painful, boring, and harmful to the general psyche of you and your poor friends.
9:40 Wince at string of bad jokes told by lecturer.
9:50 Shutter at even worse joke.
9:59 Start biting nails in anticipation of first break. Even though you’ve only been in the lecture for half an hour – everyone else has been there for a full hour and you feel bad for them.
10:03 First break. Exit dark room and rush outside for fresh air. Emerge onto street blinded by the sunshine and suffocated by the humidity.
10:13 Drag self back into dark room through great personal effort.
10:19 Start counting the pages till the next possible break.
10:22 Text message a friend you think might respond – maybe they are at work or in babri in another town.
10:28 Start compulsively checking phone for texts. Decide to text message a few more friends in the off chance they might be around.
10:33 Begin daydreaming about upcoming weekend.
10:40 Draw pictures on neighbor’s outline – indicating how tired and bored you are.
10:46 Write song lyrics to entire American Pie song out on table cloth.
10:55 Keep checking for returned text messages. Take a moment to pause and think about how many text messages you have sent this month and how you have most definitely gone over your limit. Try to figure out how many of your friends are IN.
11:05 Make a list of things you should accomplish this afternoon. Not that you are actually going to accomplish any of these tasks, but it is fun to write them down.
11:15 Make a calender of the past month and the upcoming month. Think about all the fun things you don’t get to do and dream of how fun August is going to be.
11:20 Take second ten minute break. Exactly the same as first ten minute break – except maybe you decide to walk the half mile to the bathroom and vending machines.
11:30 Finally resign self to the fact that you will be in this prison until at least 12:30, and that you will be subjected to a whole other hour of bad jokes, stupid legal jargon, and excruciating boredom.
11:45 Consider stabbing self in the eye with pen.
11:50 Finally get text back from a friend. YES!
12:00 Think very hard about what you might want to eat for lunch. Decisions, Decisions.
12:15 Start to shake in anticipation of actually getting to leave. Start biting nails again.
12:27 Pack up everything before lecturer has actually finished speaking and rush out the door at the first chance. Taste sweet breath of freedom.
12:37 Finally make it back to parking deck. It takes longer to walk from parking deck to lecture room than it does to drive from house to parking deck. Get in car and speed home
the thin line between optimism and delusion... 