the thin line between optimism and delusion…

I’m sorry I’ve been so bad about updating the ole blog.  I’m not real sure what has gotten into me, but I’m trying to cut out the multi tasking.  But that isn’t even true.  Okay, so I have to sit in Barbri for three hours without the internet, and I’ve been playing on the internet during every class I’ve sat through in the past three years.  And not being on the internet during class has left me less dependent on my laptop.  Weird. 

So what have I been doing instead of playing on the computer?  Well…..

I’ve been riding my bike.  I still kind of suck at it, and I definitely don’t vary much in the path I take, but at the same time, I’m riding.  I’ve also been running with Cristina, and a little on my own. 

I’ve been going to the movies.  I saw the Da Vinci Code last week, and I liked it a lot. I had really low expectations because everyone said such bad things, but I enjoyed it.  Parts of it definitely scared me.  Cristina and I went to the late movie, and I had a hard time going to sleep that night.  I mean, it wasn’t a scary movie overall, but I would classify it as a thriller. 

I saw the breakup today with the girls from my prayer group + molly.  I also had low expectations on this movie.  There was a lot of yelling.  I don’t do yelling.  In real life, or movies.  Seriously.  DON’T. YELL. AT. ME.  DON’T. EVEN. YELL. AROUND. ME.  Watching a movie with lots of yelling is miserable in my opinion.  I don’t need to pay money to listen to yelling.  I mean, I don’t hate yelling because I’ve been yelled at a lot.  No one in my family yells.  We are more likely to use a hurtful tone.  No raised voices.  So, I guess, my aversion to yelling is just that I’m not used to it.  It hurts me.  Want me to start crying?  Yell at me. 

So whatev, The Breakup, it was realistic, and I like Jennifer and Vince, and the other Vince that I didn’t even know was in the movie until it started.  But. But. But.  Breakups suck.  They suck when it is you breaking up, they suck when it is your friend, they suck when it is a sibling, a parent, etc.  Basically the movie was just a little to real life for my liking.   Like Molly said, I don’t go to the movie to relive my most traumatic breakup over again. 

I went to the bookstore and bought a bunch of books that I’m super excited about.  I’ll try to do another post just about the books some other time, but I make you no promises and I tell no lies. 

What have I been freaking out about lately?

I pull out my eyebrows when I am concentrating or stressed, not to the point where it is noticeable, it is just one of those little tics, like some people crack their knuckles, and I pull on my eyebrows.  Sometimes I also pull out the flyaway hair that gets in my face, just like one strand at a time, but not that often, and only when I’m concentrating on something.  This is something I’ve been doing for years, and, like cracking knuckles, I assumed it wasn’t necessarily the best of ideas, but wasn’t a problem either.  Everyone has some sort of nervous tic, right?  Some people grind their teeth, bite their nails, chew on their lip, etc.  I mean, my brother twists napkins into tightly wound wads.  He doesn’t even know he is doing it.  This is totally normal and everyone does it and I never thought anything about pulling out my eyebrows. 

I was told this weekend that pulling your hair out is a syndrome.  Great.  All I need is another psychological disorder.  I mean, pulling out your eyebrows isn’t on the same level as cutting yourself.  But as it turns out, some people pull their hair out until they don’t have any hair left. And the disorder is associated with the desire to cause physical harm to yourself.  Gah. 

I have been researching, and one of the symptoms of this problem is that you pull enough hair out to have it be noticable.  I would have to pull my hair out all day long for the next six months
to pull all my hair out. 

But I guess it is an eye opener to realize
that any small tendency in our life can become a big thing if you
aren’t aware of it or if you let it consume you.  I think that means that I don’t  actually have a problem.  I like to think that I have more of a tendency.  And I have a lot of tendencies.  I have quite a few OCD tendencies, but I don’t think I could be classified as OCD.

I filled out a little survey at one of the websites I looked at and one of the questions was whether or not you had ever been diagnosed with ADD. 

OMG – I’m such a crazy person, I’m going to stop playing on the internet and looking for disorders that might apply to me.  And I’m going to try to stop pulling out my eyebrows.  Y’all don’t want to hear any more about my crazy compulsions. 

Did I ever tell you I was a hypochondriac?

Well, I am.    This bar review stuff is already messing with my head.