I keep checking weather.com – like the ten day forecast is going to drastically change every hour. But I want it to change. I can’t handle all this cold. It is getting to me. I don’t like it. I’m not having fun anymore. I want it to warm up. It is March already, so it needs to warm up. I’ll write a letter.
Dear Arctic Blast,
It was good to see you over Christmas, we were glad that you could come and facilitate the holiday fire building and hot chocolate drinking. You really brought an essential element to the season, and I just wanted to thank you for your presence. It was also fun to have you around in January for the weekend, especially since young ice storm was able to come with you. You allowed me to spend some quality time with my couch (although tell ice storm to try to come in the middle of the week next time).
In addition to expressing my thanks, I would like to ask you to leave. It is nothing personal, I really do enjoy you at certain times. But every guest needs to know when they have worn out their welcome. As my mother would say, we all must learn when enough is enough. I mean, you weather systems just need to learn when one part of the country has had enough. We really didn’t appreciate what the hurricanes did this year – I mean I understand one good wallop, it happens most years, but four? I think there is a level of inconsiderateness in expecting us to put up with that kind of behavior. I understand that the yankee groundhog saw his shadow, but the georgia’s General Beauregard Lee did not see his shadow, so we would appreciate it if you would leave and go hang out up north.
We have come to terms with the long hot humid summer heat, we actually have kinda learned to love her in a masochistic kind of way. But I find it completely unacceptable for her to be followed by 4 hurricanes and then an ice storm, and now weeks of chilling frost in March. I don’t know what we are going to do about all of this, but I think you need to tell all your natural disaster friends that the east coast isn’t going to take the kind of abuse ya’ll throw at the west coast. Florida will not be washed into the ocean like California (although it would give georgia more coastline…).
In closing, I would like to reiterate the extent to which you, Arctic Blast, have overstayed your welcome. Since this is becoming a trend with you natural disasters I understand that you thought you could follow the lead of your peers. But this is not the case and we would all appreciate it if you would pack up and head on back to Canada.
See you in December –
Charlsie Paine
the thin line between optimism and delusion... 