Since I’m incapable of studying for my finals, and because I don’t want to take a shower like I need to – I thought I would unload some of my thoughts on you.
Yesterday I went to one of the most fun football games I have ever attended. And I want you to all appreciate this statement, because I have been to more football games than the average avid sports fan. Don’t argue with me, I’ve been to at least as many games as you have – the only way you have been to more than me is if you are much older than me. Yeah, yesterday when the Bulldawgs stomped all over LSU, I was there, and I was having a blast. Before the game I thought that going to the game was probably a very bad idea seeing as how I have a great deal of school work due this week – but after the game I realized that it was all totally worth it.
Speaking of all the football games I have been to – I realized yesterday while at the Georgia Dome that I am completely comfortable in a football stadium – actually most any sports complex – and when I say comfortable – I mean completely and totally at home and calm. I have a hard time recognizing that there is a world outside when I am in a stadium. It is kind of like how I feel safe when I am in the law library during finals – because I know that the library is where I am suppose to be and it is nice to know you are where you are suppose to be, even if it is just for a little while.
I hope that this time next year I am somewhere that I am suppose to be. At some point I need to decide what I am going to do after I take the bar. Right now I am definitely not going to practice law – but I am in the middle of finals so I recognize that I might not have the best perspective. Regardless – I have a hard time imagining myself ever truly enjoying practicing law.
Law school has been a tremendous experience for me – I have made wonderful friends and I have been overall very happy with the past few years. I think at this point I might do it over again if I had to. All of last year I would have sworn that I would rather flip burgers at mcdonalds for the rest of my life rather than repeat first year of law school, but I think as time moves on I have a hard time remembering how terrible it was, and as such, might consider doing it again, to get where I am today.
I watched a documentary on Leonardo Da Vinci tonight, just the first half because I had to watch grey’s anatomy – but they talked about how Leonardo had a very difficult time finishing projects. That as soon as he could reason through the idea of something, in his mind, he was finished. They said he probably had ADD or something – but his inability to finish projects kept him from being reliable to clients and hurt his business. They said he never finished the Mona Lisa – and worked on it for years – and the only reason it looks the way it does now is because he died. I think Leonardo and I would have been friends. I have a very hard time finishing things. I think it would have taken me an extended period of time to graduate from college if I hadn’t been forced to graduate in time to go to law school. Even so I didn’t graduate from college until three days after law school started.
So I guess it is understandable that I am having such senioritis right now – I have been in school for the last 21 years of my life. And I’m only 25. And this is the end of it. The one and only thing I do know about my future is that I will NEVER go back to school. I have no desire to ever be in school ever again. If I hadn’t gone to law school I think I would always have considered going back to school. So I guess that is one thing I can cross off my list of things to do with my life.
Basically I am going to have a really hard time with the next 8 months – I’m going to have a hard time finishing up my mere 9 hours of credit I have left – and then I’m going to have a very hard time when I have to take the bar. I can’t justify not taking the bar, even if I don’t want to practice. If I’ve been here for three years, what is three more months, regardless of how terrible they are?
Okay, that is enough ranting about my future – here are some other thoughts I’ve had recently:
– I have no concept of how long it takes to get everywhere in the ATL. I always end up being at least a half an hour late everywhere I am suppose to be when I’m in the ATL.
– I went to Toys R Us yesterday to look for something for a baby shower. I have never in my entire life been so disappointed by any store in my life. Most of the toys frightened me, and beyond the board games, everything just seemed so cheap and gaudy. I saw no fewer than five different toys – from stuffed animals to barbies which had the phrase "bling bling" on them. Seriously. I thought I could at least get a soft cuddly stuffed animals – but I was sadly mistaken. There were no regular stuffed animals, they all made noise or lit up or shook or sang or talked. I might could have handled that. But they were all made out of what felt like to me the cheapest material I have ever felt in my entire life.
– I didn’t realized how important this whole no smoking in the bars thing is. Since you can’t smoke in the bars in Athens anymore – I’ve gotten used to not being exposed to a lot of second hand smoke. I went out friday and saturday night in the ATL and I woke up this morning with the black lung. Seriously. I haven’t been able to talk all day. I did kind of have a cold previously – and I did yell a lot at the game – but there is definitely a correlation between my condition and the second hand smoke I inhaled this weekend. It really kind of scares me.
– I’m kind of lonely here in athens. My apartment is lonely. My friends are starting to scatter to a certain degree. Obviously I require more human interaction than most people, but that doesn’t change how I feel. Maybe I’m already having separation anxiety for the town in general. Maybe I just need a dog.
– My car needs a bath. And I do too.
Good night my darlings. Kisses.
the thin line between optimism and delusion... 
CKP,
You covered a lot of territory on that post. Nice work. If if makes you feel any better, or less lonely, I think everyone feels the same sense of unsure-ness about their lives. I also think that being in exams brings out the all the weird, innermost insecurities in all law students (who are all obviously neurotic in the first place for choosing law school). So, don’t feel badly about not knowing where you’ll be in 9 months. My dad says that if you can go to bed at night just having a rough plan for the next day, everything will work out. Much love!
The need to figure out what we will do with our lives…where does it begin? Way back in pre-K, when your choices were Ballerina, doctor, or crayon? My dad sums it up pretty nicely “Leigh, do what you like to do, the money will follow.” Wise words from a wise man but who in the world REALLY knows what they want to do. My advice CK, follow you instincts, they have helped us all live pretty darn good lives so far. And trust me, things are no more sure or any less confusing in the working world.
I have woken up the past 2 mornings now with the black lung Charlsie. I think the bars were exceptionally bad this weekend. I agree that everyone our age pretty much feels the same confusion. And in the working world, it’s even more confusing! It’s like in college you feel like you have time to figure things out after you graduate. But then, when you’re working you feel like you should have things figured out now. Weird but i always just make myself look back over my life so far and realize that every uncertain circumstance has always worked out. And usually pretty good. I definitely think yours is the same way.
Hey Charlsie! Okay, so now I’m the one procrastinating as it is 1 AM and I am supposed to be studying for my tax exam, but why would I do that – I will pass, right? Two thoughts on your post: one, my brother who is in 8th grade had to watch the Da Vinci program on the history channel last night for school, he didn’t so much love it, and two, I would rather be flipping burgers right now – for sure. Love and miss you lots! By the way, you make me miss Athens more than ever.
Haley Martin – I want to talk to you! This is Betsy – yep, your big sis! How cheesy is that. Let’s get in touch. You madwe my day. Happy studying.