the thin line between optimism and delusion…

There is something I find very comforting about being in the library. Even on a Friday afternoon. Because to be honest, Fridays just don’t mean that much to me anymore. I don’t really care that it is Friday, except that it was nice to not have class this morning so I could lay in the bed. But I have to do lots of work tomorrow, so it isn’t as if Friday means that I am finished. I know that it is hard to say, but sometimes I like to just sit in the library and do nothing. I feel safe in the library. Even when I’m not doing what I should be doing, at least I am where I am suppose to be. I am part of the way there. And I don’t have to answer my phone. And I can listen to music. and there are big windows to look out of, much bigger than any windows in my house. actually, the windows are probably bigger than my entire apartment – the floor plan at least. I can think of all the work I am going to do. I wish my locker was in the library. So I didn’t have to carry my stuff around. I wish I had an office with a big window. One day, one day. Jennifer and I were discussing the term "one day" yesterday. Or maybe it was this morning. Jennifer was painting me a lovely daydream of sitting on a big porch on the beach with children and I said it was too cold, and so she put flannel and sweatshirts on everyone in the dream, and there would some great work to be accomplished, like the great america novel, or a write up of a fabulous restaurant recently visited for a well know magazine, some great work that could be accomplished at the beach. Then I realized that my "one days" have gotten a little less involved. Now they are more like, "One day I am going to buy a house." And "One day I am going to have a dog." Or, "One day I am going to have a job." As opposed to the above dream of a house on the beach with children and the perfect career. I just want a house that is mine and a dog. Whereas Cristina and Allison would just like to be able to wear high heels without being taller than boys. Speaking of boys, lets not even get into the "One days" there. Right now boys are making me so tired I need to carry a cot around on my back. I am going to leave it with, "One day they will stop acting so stupid." But beach or no beach, I must have a front porch. I bet my parents would buy me a swing. Maybe if I act right. See old Comments | See old Trackbacks