Archive for March 30th, 2004

If my textbooks were liquid, and I could drink them, i would be in much better shape that I am now. Especially if the liquid tasted like water or beer or Mr. Pibb. Not that I don’t love to read, but I am a compulsive drinker. I really need some sort of liquid around at all times so I can be drinking. The reason I have such a high tendency to lose my nalgene bottle is because I take it with me everywhere. I drink on average three nalgene bottles a day, and two or three Mr. Pibbs. Or at least, that is what I have had to drink today. Basically I drink over four liters of liquid a day. I think this is a problem. I didn’t always have this problem, I used to never drink water. i used to eat ice a lot, but then i decided to stop eating ice because it hurts my jaws, so now I don’t put ice in my drinks at all, so that way I won’t eat the ice. Because I drink all day long, when I drink alcohol, I have a hard time not drinking with the same frequency, and this is why I have a tendency to be overserved. it isn’t my fault, it is my ocd problem with liquids. Colder drinks are easier to drink fast, so for the most part, the only liquids I drink cold are cokes and beer. I can’t drink white wine, because I drink it too fast because it is cold, so I drink red wine. If I drink liquor, normally I drink cosmopolitans which have little pieces of ice sometimes, but if I drink another liqour drink I will use ice. Basically, I have an obsessive personality. I think i could have an addictive personality if given the chance, but for the most part I am just obsessive. I have a tendency to eat at the same restaraunt over and over, and read the same books over and over, and whatever, you get the picture. Jennifer says that it is just that I am always paying intent attention to something. Even though i have an attention deficit, the real problem is that I can’t focus on anything for very long, but I am always focusing, and when i am focusing, it is intently. This also leads to me having problems in a large group of people(parties, bars), because I much better one on one, since I either focus on one person and ignore everyone else, or I focus on everyone for five minutes and don’t have a real conversation with anyone. The great thing about adderoll is that it helps me stay focused on one thing, but I just have to make sure I get focused on the right thing, otherwise I will end up studying maps of ancient greece for hours or wasting time writing in my live journal……….oh, and on another note, I have mentioned this before, but it is really interesting that I forget that people in law school are here because they have a certain make up. most people in law school are overly analytical people with surpressed personalities. I mean this is in the nicest way possible. I am overly analytical with a tendency to dwell on things. somehow this works out because, as cristina says, I’m not lacking in the confidence. Actually, more than confidence, i think it is my refusal to think anything but the best possible explanation. if some boy doesn’t like me, well, maybe there is something about me that he doesn’t like, but it isn’t me (this is where the delusion comes in). It takes a lot for meto be convinced that someone really just doesn’t like me, girl or boy. Because, if someone really doesn’t like me, then I just don’t care to know about it, unless there is something I can do to fix the situation. otherwise, I prefer to be ignorant. You should always think the best, because it doesn’t help to think otherwise.

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