the thin line between optimism and delusion…

I love the spring time, except for the fact that I can’t breathe. I always forget that i have allergies, and they change from year to year. Like one year I was allergic to grass at the tournament, and I couldn’t wear my contacts all week. this year I think it is the yellow pollen, but then again they say that if you can see the pollen, then it is too big to inhale. I had a spectacular weekend, friday night was tons of fun, my wonderful friend Sarah was in town and we painted the town. Saturday I had a blast with Cristina at the mall in atlanta, and saturday night I got to spend time with three of my loves; Betsy, Katie, and Ashley. SInce last week was my most scattered week ever, I left all of my clothes for the ATL on my bed, and had to buy an outfit in atlanta, because I didn’t have any clothes. i’m an idiot. I need someone to follow me around and pick up all the stuff that I drop. Christy said there are lawyers out there that have people like that, so this is an aspiration. Although I kept Betsy’s whole family awake with my coughing, overall it was very enjoyable. Sunday we went to a shower for Ashley and John who are getting married, and I felt very privileged to be included in their list of friends, because I love them. Sunday was also tears, because Katie had to fly back to DC. It was also Katie’s birthday!!! I miss my old life, and lots of times I don’t have time to think about it, but it can be really hard to see my precious friends from college and to know that time is over. It is difficult because I want to live in the past, present and future. I think this was a huge problem in the fall, because I didn’t want to make too many close new friends, because I hadn’t accepted the fact that my old friends were gone. not gone in the sense that they aren’t my friends anymore, but gone in the fact that they aren’t available to take personal days with me and to watch the bourne identity over and over again(just to make sure we didn’t miss anything). Moving on is difficult. Amazingly enough, it makes me feel bad that have made new friends, I kinda feel like I am cheating on my old friends, but at the same time, I am unhappy living in the past. So it is just important to accept the fact that friendships evolve and serve many different purposes as the years progress. I don’t want it to seem like I am categorizing my friends, I don’t want anyone to be labeled an OLD friend or a NEW friend, because both seem impersonal and inappropriate. I don’t know what I am talking about. i love my law school friends, they mean so much to me, this year has been rough. but I wouldn’t be here without my friends from college, and nothing is going to change that. Sorry forthe negative tone of this entry, I’m really not sad. Law school is starting to feel like a small, close knit group of people, I don’t want people to graduate. and i don’t want my second year friends to disappear next year. basically, if you can’t tell, i don’t really embrace change. My new favorite person is Clay Aiken, I think he is awesome. I bought his CD from I-tunes(greatest thing ever), because I think he is the kind of person we should all support. I know a lot of you will be appalled at this confession, but he is a great person, and I can’t believe that he lost american idol, I think it was rigged.